Fat Farms

12/18 Crotch-a-cologist Appt

Total poundage lost: 3
BP: 110/80 (I'd be happier if the 80 were 70)

Apparently, I've got a sourdough starter in my squishmitten.

Discussed babymaking.

AGAIN.

Discussed changing blood pressure medication to N*rvasc rather than Ald*met, and discussed that once/if I get knocked up, I have to go on blood thinners, to prevent miscarriage, due to my FVLM.

After having the in-laws in my home, as "adult children" as it were, and being frustrated with that, I'm beginning to wonder if having a child is really the best thing for me, OR the child.

Next Visit With Specialist, 1/15

Next visit: 1/15
Next time I'll be available to get my bloods done: 12/26

Perhaps it's cutting it close?

Honestly, I don't care anymore.

Mood: Ranging from ambivalent to belligerent.

On My "Dirty" Neck

No, it's not dirt.
No, I'm not allergic to my gold necklace.
It's 22K, who the hell is allergic to pure gold??

Thanks for drawing more attention to my acanthis nigricdans on the back of my neck.

I guess I should be happy. At least I didn't get yet another belly pat or belly pinch.

Who'dathunkit?

Everyone in my house has gained 10-15 pounds.

Everyone EXCEPT the "resident fatty," me.

Hah!

After Two Weeks: Stop L*pitor

Muscle aches.
Bone aches.
Joint aches.

Massive, three day headache.

Stopped.

Taking low dose aspirin, 81 mg, and drinking low sugar grape juice.

Let's see what my blood work shows in December, as it will be one full month of aspirin and grape juice therapy in an attempt to lower my cholesterol and boost my good cholesterol.

On Arrogance

I've been dealing with the full-on effects of PCOS since around 1990.

Diagnosed, officially, in 1999.

Currently, I am paying top dollar to go to an endocrinologist well known, in the forefront of study for PCOS. Paying out of pocket for his office visits, as he does not accept medical insurance.

I have faith in him that he is not over-prescribing medication for me. I have faith in his judgement that the medications I am on will assist me in (hopefully) not becoming my mother, health wise.

So I find it a bit arrogant and presumptous of you, who has been staying in my home, MY HOME, even though it feels like home TO YOU, it is MY HOME, to voice your opinions about my five pill bottles of medication. And then to have the temerity to suggest that I should "wean" myself off my meds, because YOU feel uncomfortable about them.

I am sorry, but my response is a deep, resounding NO THANKS.

If I stop taking my blood pressure medication, in time, I am sure I will have a stroke or a heart attack.

If I stop taking my metformin, which has been holding me, insulin wise, in a holding pattern, I will no doubt morph into Type II diabetes.

If I stop taking my L*xapro, I probably would either kill myself or you -- Take your pick.

And lastly, just because you do not see what I eat daily, does not mean that I am gorging myself on fried chicken and waffles or Luther Burgers, and drinking regular soda and milk shakes. Just because you do not see the six or seven blocks I walk during lunch, or how when I go shopping, I go down every single aisle, or run about ten different errands a day to keep our household running... Step the fuck off.

You wanna do something constructive towards my overall health? Don't stress me out. Perhaps I could get off my L*xapro or my blood pressure pills if I could manage my stress properly, which obviously I cannot do myself.

Or how about you paying for me to go in for abdominal reconstruction surgery so I can get some of this fat, which I am sure I never will be able to burn off myself, lopped off my midsection.

Now THAT, THAT is something constructive.

In the meantime, STFU.

Takes More To Be An Anorexic Than This...

Just like it takes more than donuts and Big Macs to be obese...

Note To Self: Won't Someone Donkey Punch My Ovaries?

Note to self, or more specifically, "Alice B. Toklas," (pictured herein) and her counterpart, Gertie (short for Gertrude Stein, not pictured), aka my malfunctioning fluster-cucked ovaries:

You WILL NOT ruin my up-coming vacation by surprising me with a sudden onset of "It's a Small Bloody Clotty Crampy Bitchy World, Afterall."

If needed, I will forcibly remove you BOTH, by myself, with a rusty razorblade and rinse you both out with a bottle of Campho-Phenique, and cauterize you with a disease-laden, half-smoked ciggy snatched from the syphilitic mouth of a local hobo. Then! When I'm done with you, you'll be tossed out of my car, wrapped in a 7-11 Big Bite wrapper, a la John Wayne Bobbitt's lopped-off shweenus, and hopefully eaten by a rabid, feral dog.

You both have been warned, you useless pieces of crap!

Don't F*** With Fat Folks -- We'll Eat Your Children

Three Month Check Up With The Specialist

“On any person who desires such queer prizes,

New York will bestow the gift of loneliness and the gift of privacy.”

E.B. White, 1949

Yet another trip to the specialist, only AFTER a visit to the Mount for a trans AND intra-vag US, which showed some improvement re: the ovaries. Less follicles and a little bit of shrinkage to normal size.

That's the good news.

Bad news, I'm still overweight, still not pregnant. Advised against it at the moment until I can drop some weight. And despite taking a hefty AND totally liquified dump at the specialist, it wasn't enough to prove I lost any weight.

So much for my theory that I'm about one solid bowel movement away from showing any weight loss...

More bad news, I now have an Rx for Lipitor as my cholesterol levels aren't where they should be.

Not necessarily the most life-affirming visit to the doctor, however, he did write me scrips for my blood pressure Rxs, in addition to my metformin and the lipitor.

I'm So Glad To Have Been Born After This Era...

This Makes Me Cheerful to be Me at the Moment

Cliff Notes of 7/6/06 Appointment with Specialist

Cliffnotes of the appointment:

• I lost another three pounds.
• Cholesterol went up by 20 points
• Uric acid is a concern. I have a three month reprieve, to play around with diet, see if that impacts the result, and if not, I will be put on yet another medication so as to prevent painful gout, and lifethreatening kidney failure.
• When I schedule my next appointment in three months, I have to arrange for a trans-vag U/S... AGAIN.

Introducting Alice B. Toklas

Behold her pocky nature:

The left one is Gertie (short for Gertrude Stein).

Seemed only fitting to name them both, even though I only have a picture of the right one.

Results of visit with crotchacologist:

• I've gained seven pounds since 2003 (truthfully that's a healthy bowel movement away from maintaining my weight)

• Thanks to me and my big mouth, admitting the four month lapse between cycles, I had the above ultrasound done; Uterine lining perfect save for one fibroid too small to measure.
  
• Nothing else noteworthy to report.

I Darest Thou...

Yay Capitalism

Nestle to buy Jenny Craig for $600 million
Swiss company seeks to capitalize on weight-loss trend

GENEVA, Switzerland - In a move that recognizes the modern world’s twin obsessions — indulgence and guilt — chocolate maker Nestle said Monday it would purchase weight loss product maker Jenny Craig Inc. for $600 million.

[...]

This is no different than say "Big Tobacco" hooking folks on cancer-sticks when they're young, and then hooking them when they're older and emphysemic on "the patch."

Corporate America will get their money out of you one way or another...

Day One: Low Glycemic Diet Gels

I saw The Low Glycemic Diet gel capsules today at the pharmacy, and figured I'd give them a whirl. They contain, among other things: Bitter melon, cinnamon, fennugreek, gymnema, Indian kino tree powder, Neem powder, and syzgium cumini.

I bolded the things I already knew were good for insulin response. Though the bitter melon I cannot take if I am pregnant, I am not pregnant currently, and I doubt that it is high enough of a dose to be a concern at this point in attempting to get pregnant, because let's face it, I'm not fucking at the rate of an olympic porn star. If it happens, it happens.

So I figure these gel caps (1 cap twice a day between meals), in conjunction with my Alpha-Betic vitamins, alpha lipoic acid, and my Omega-3 fish oil caps, I've got my bases covered.

Next visit with the specialist: July 6th.

Note to self:
Onset: June 3
Offset: June 9

How Do I Look? How Do I Feel??

Crime Scene Monday: Flow-Gasm

Ever have a 'gasm so intense it brings on your flow?

Four months of nothing but bloat and irritability, and nothing to show for it.

Now-show-flow.

Last night I, quite literally, felt a piercing explosion of sorts in the area of my right ovary.

VOILA! Self-cleaning womb!

Most Days, I Feel & Fear Others View Me In an Exaggerated Light

My reality (on the right!):

What other folks would prefer I view myself as:

Ya Never Know What to Expect

This is what I love about the city, within which I work. Unpredictability. IN YOUR FACE kinda unpredictability.

I no sooner finished chatting with Jabippy-Lou, when I returned to the elevator queue and waited for the next lift up, when I was hit with a rather gamey, sour stench... and lo-and-behold! Next to the garbage can was chunkage. DELICIOUS!!! CLASSY!!

I fine visual for me to have as I trotted off to my Reiki healing circle. Seing chunky, sour, sick, as I'm off to a class to rid my body and soul and psyche of its own variety of SICK.

It's all good though. I'm sure the pidgeons will be eating quite well as a result of this. All the better for them to squirt their Rorschach-like shit all over my car. All the better for the owner of the local car wash.
It's all good.

It's been over a month since I last attended a Reiki healing circle, as I was on vacation when the last one was held. One of the Reiki masters was taken aback by whatever improvement there has been with me, my body, and my energy. She quickly asked me what I had been doing differently. And I basically said nothing crazy, I just changed my soap and I've been on L*xapro for about five weeks. She said she noticed a big change with me, as if I dropped a lot of weight, my belly has shrunk, somewhat, and overall I'm lacking in that "train-wreck-je-ne-sais-quois"... that untouchable, yet palpable sense that I was on the verge of falling apart.

There was a decided theme in our circle. We all were there with neck, shoulder, and upper back complaints. I usually an reluctant to say what I am attending any healing circle for, as I prefer that the practitioner use intuition (this appeals to the skeptic in me, too, if I see that they focus their energies and touch on the area without me saying so). I feel a little better physically. Not much. But emotionally... noticably better.

Apparently the left side of the body is the feminine, and the chakra of the throat and neck pertain to our ability or inability to communicate. Seems we all had problems with our mothers last night. Fancy that!

Last night's experience reminded me that I promised myself a one-on-one session with the Master, and also a swedish massage elsewhere.

But I was aware last night, as the Reiki Master was hugging me, that her hug was the first hug in a long time, that just manifested itself. I didn't initiate the hug. I didn't demand or ask for the hug. She just gave it. And even though I know I am loved by my husband (who doesn't tell me nearly enough), it was well worth the class fee, to have a virtual stranger extend love to me. Perhaps it might be enough for me to love myself enough to forgive myself for past misdeeds...

Well? Does It?

I Am...

Thanks to my friend Misty for sending this to me. Perhaps those few folks who stop by here for PCOS related info, diet struggles or other "Life as a Woman Struggling to Reconcile Herself With Her Body, Her Health" shit, can find this link enlightening. I sat, choked at how succinctly she summed up this experience, being an extraordinary human trapped in an unconventional body... struggling to be heard, appreciated, and loved in this life.

Blessings to all who read this:

I am...

The Nuts and Bolts...

I posted about my visit to the endocrinologist on 3/21 at my other blog, and totally forgot to post here. So go check out the other post and I'll sit patiently here for ya.

Didja read it? Good.

Not much to report.

I lost three pounds (perhaps more, as Aunt Flow has yet to show her crimson, crampy head yet; and I also had eaten breakfast and hadn't shit it out yet).

The doc is upping my metformin from 500 mg thrice a day, to two 500 mg tablets twice a day, slowly inching me from 1500 mg to 2000 mg a day. This might even help my ravenous appetite--which is symptomatic of my over-production of insulin.

My triglycerides and uric acid were a little high. Gotta boost my vitamins etc. Drink more water? Dunno... no suggestions made other than flax seed oil caps, and keep taking the fish oil caps.

Fertility aside, a very big concern for me is the notion of not turning into my mother. And I don't mean that in the every-woman-doesn't-want-to-turn-into-her-mother kinda way either. And by not turning into her, SPECIFICALLY, I mean I do not want to suffer from these:

Morbid obesity
Type II Diabetes*
Lymphedema of the extremities*
Phlebitis*
Cellulitis* (as a result of poor circulation and the lymphedema)
Rheumatoid and oseteo arthritis (I have a 25% chance of the rheumatoid--I
know it's genetic)
Uterine cancer* & fibroids (which went undetected for who knows how
long; it had been 30 years since she last went to a gynocologist)
Bladder control issues
Borderline Personality Disorder

*All related, directly to her weight (5'5", 350-400#).

But the most troubling thing is how all of those elements have compounded themselves within my mom. Obviously she's in a lot of discomfort all the time. The more weight she gains, the more discomfort for the other aspects. The more weight she gains, the more pain, the more pain, the less she wants to move and do things, the less she wants to move and do things, the more weight she gains. It's an endless cycle. Actually there IS an end. Either she can force herself to do something unpleasant (walk more, get on her exercise bike, something); or die. Those are the only two options.

But it's a slow death. But hey, you can't neglect yourself for forty years, and then wonder why your body is betraying you!

She's 61, and if you saw her, you'd think she's 10-15 years older. She walks hunched over on two canes. Eventually my sister is going to get her a wheely-walker thing so at least she won't be all hunched over anymore. But mom won't be able to use that at her work in the kitchen. She's in denial about how her employer views her. I am sure her employer (she works for a county run facility) knows how crippled up she is. They are THAT desperate for a "pulse," if not a qualified worker.

I guess it takes a tremendous amount of grit and chutzpah, knowing how much pain she's in, to truss her legs up in pressure stockings, "absorbables," etc, popping Ralofen and Aleve (which I believe you shouldn't do) just to get to the point where she can function and go to work. It's a shame she doesn't take her Lexapro, it might take the edge off and perhaps make her more agreeable in general, if not agreeable towards getting more active, even on small levels. Working 10-12 hour days on two uncooperative, bloated, painful legs; at least the bloated and painful could have been avoided years ago.

Now? The damage is done. For mom, that is.


The best thing that came out of the visit, besides having my specialist's ear for an hour (which is a total treat), was him saying how I'm not turning into my mother, medically, and how hopefully we can fight the good fight, and see if we can prevent me from going down the Type II Diabetes road, by making my body sensitized to the insulin it's determined to over-produce.

I see him again in July.

Some folks lives, if they cannot serve as a positive example, they can serve the purpose of posing as a warning to others.

Looking Ahead

3/21

Less than a month until I go back to the specialist.

Less than a month to get my ass in gear.

Less than a month to get totally despondent.

Aunt Flo is here. One more reminder of what a big fat fucking failure I am.

The Last Book I'm Going to Buy Re: IR & Diets

The Insulin Resistance Diet

So I Went For A Reiki Healing Circle Tonight...

I felt all trembly with the laying of hands. Both Reiki masters were intrigued and drawn to me, and what I view as my sack of assorted blockages and issues.

Contemplating going in for a private session. Perhaps.

Definitely going in for another healing circle in March.

The conclusion is, that a lot of my health issues (e.g. my back, my neck, my cystic ovaries, my insulin problems, depression) are all the result of blockages.

The thing that scares me is that both masters saw my "inner seven year old," and that unsettled me.

I feel a strangeness in my ovary-area. My adrenal area feels tense.

Yet somehow, I felt understood.

Ecclesiastes 3

Still fat.
Still not pregnant.
Still not adhering to Atkins.
Still plucking my fu manchu.
Still "functionally" depressed.
Thanks to the folly called Xenical (a few months back), my psoraisis has yet to go into remission. I now have a small patch in my eyebrow, thus breaking our agreement, that it can ravage my scalp, disguised by my hair, provided it does not encroach on my face. Fuck you, Orlistat!

Dinner

8 oz boneless beef rib, marinated and grilled on the GF
4 oz of marinated mushrooms grilled
indeterminate amount of brussels sprouts simmered and buttered:)

Don't give a shit what my 'count' is today.

Mental Health Day Yesterday

Mental health day. Dropped off the husband and went for breakfast, clad only in a pair of khakis, a LL Bean sweatshirt, and my clogs. No bra. No make up. No kidding.

Breaky:

Lobster & crabmeat cake eggs benedict. Coffee. Water. And a sense of "fuck you smug-ness" that I did what I wanted. Read the paper. Cover to cover. Then it was time to pick my wedgie, pay, and get the fluck out of Dodge.

Stayed home and tried to be productive.

Napped.

Ate potato chips.

I'm going to low-carb hell, and Dr. Atkins himself is Satan's taint-waxer and ballsack sweat dauber.


Napped some more.


Dinner:

A burger made of ground lamb, garlic, red onion, fresh oregano and mint and some crumbled lamb's milk blue cheese. Side dish: A fistful of herbed olives.

Dinner

Salmon steaks with cajun seasonings
Broccoli rabe with garlic
Escargots (5)

Endnote: The escargots were actually LAND snails, not sea snails as I had thought. In lieu of the briney topnote I thought they'd have, they had an odd taste, like what garden soil must taste like on a rainy day, braced with butter, garlic and herbs.

So for those keeping track, SNAILS are on my short list of things I do not prefer to eat:

Lima beans
Kerala
Liver, kidneys, sweetbreads, or tripe
Snails

Day Eight Of The New Year

Rolled out of bed, brushed the teeth, bird-bathed and headed to my yoga instructor's home to give her a crash course on how to update her website I set up for her; and in return, she would give me a session devoted to stress and depression management and restorative back asanas. I took my time, answering all her questions.

I know I'll be back over there to assist. Her time is better spent doing the things she loves, rather than the administrative upkeep of her site. I'd be more than happy to be the administrator for her. She just has to say the word. It's no bother. To say she's functionally illiterate when it comes to file management and internet navigation is an understatement. Hey, we all have to start somewhere.

She gave me a good solid hour of one on one instruction and discussion. I long to have the eye bolts and harness she has in her studio, for a full inversion and traction at home. The restorative poses I benefitted from immediately. Very liberating and actually helped undo a little of the damage inflicted from yesterday's assault at the nail salon. Assault? Yep. It's the only way I can describe, succinctly, the "massage" I was on the receiving end of yesterday. It did more harm than good. I'll still need a visit to the chiro, but perhaps I won't be in as dire of straits when I finally get to see him.

With my instructor, I feel my most vulnerable, as I put it all out there; everything which is affecting me, eating at me, stressing me out, and contributing to my depression which is exacerbated by my hyperinsulinemia related to my PCOS. Like an onion, each of the unsavory layers was peeled back, to be discussed and analyzed.

I enjoyed the visit more than I thought I would, and that's saying a lot because I enjoy my time with my instructor, but I was hesitant as I got ready for the visit. Hesitant to go thru the asanas/postures. Not really sure what was holding me back. I'm glad I relented. Perhaps I did it just as much for her as much as for myself. Who knows. I just wish I could get past the obstacles I am putting up for myself, blocking my own joy.

As I departed, she suggested I pick up some books. Perhaps I'll Amazon the rest. We each gave each other homework; me, asanas to do at home to help with decompressing my stress and decompressing my back; her, noodling around with her website and try to become a little fearless about how things work.

I went for breakfast, a big garden omlette, bacon, whole wheat toast, coffee, water. I lingered over the Sunday paper; then it was off to Barnes and Noble to see if they had a particular book by Pema Chodron. Alas the book I was intent on getting was not there, and I got one of the books which were available as a substitute. In addition, I got an audio book, actually a box set which contains Lois P. Frankel's "Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office" and "Nice Girls Don't Get Rich."Hey, I am sure I am guilty of several of the 101 mistakes women make, and if I can correct even one and benefit from it, it was money well spent. The remaining book I got was my second book by Paramhansa Yogananda, "Why God Permits Evil and How to Rise Above It." The book selections bespeak practical and self-help.

I need to somehow or another carve out some quiet time for myself. While I was in a few of the poses, I felt almost in a state of suspended animation. Surreal and comforting at the same time.At the very least, I felt I was in good and compassionate company; not "alone," and "acknowledged."

Day Four of the New Year

I'm back on Atkins. Or so my husband thinks. I've been "okay-to-eh" as far as observing it, keeping myself within 20 gm of carb daily. Today, I shot it to shit. I had whole wheat toast with my breakfast, total carb count: 30 gm. I'll be good the rest of the day. Rome wasn't built in a day. I'll keep myself hydrated, have a protein bar for lunch, and perhaps go to sleep when I get home and by-pass dinner. Formula for disaster. This I know.

Such is life for the polycystic fat woman.

PCOS: My Testimonial

I do not make any claims to be a doctor, so all I am writing is stuff I have experienced or nuggets of information which I've collected along the way.

In 1998, I was diagnosed as having Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I went to my osteopath after nearly a decade of suffering from symptoms which included: inability to lose weight, lethargy, depression, hirsuitism (excessive hair, including on the face), irregular menstruation, brown splotchy marks around my neck, underarms and between my legs. Some of the more clinical symptoms which I was unaware of include: hyper insulinemia (elevated insulin; "pre-diabetes" is the euphemism the medical field uses), elevated DHEA (hormone the adrenal glands put forth) and elevated testosterone.

Prior to this time, during the late 80s, I went to an endocrinologist to get to the root of my weight gain, which at the time was climbing at the rate of about 10-20 pounds each month for a good six months. After the first visit, this endo, "Dr. J.," put me (inaccurately) on Synthroid, for a perceived sluggish thyroid. Endocrinologists like this one should have his license revoked.

From what I have learned, PCOS is the leading cause of infertility in women in their 30s. It is not something which can be "cured," but it can be managed. You will never "get rid of it," it is in your DNA, much like the color of your hair or eyes. You can't change it. You can only change how you live your life or how you perceive it.

The first couple of endocrinologists I encountered have put me on an assortment of medications for my "Insulin Resistance" (which simply means the body doesn't effectively use insulin--whether it is over or under produced) to include: Glucophage, Glucophage XR, Avandia, and finally Actos. While on Glucophage or Glucophage XR, I suffered embarrassing, explosive gastric problems,** regardless of when I took my medication (whether I took it with food, without food or right before bed). There was not a day that went by that I did not have to worry about "containment issues" while sneezing or coughing too hard.

[ED: ** The bulk of the gastric distress, after many tests failed to turn up anything more conclusive than "a side effect" of the IR meds, I decided one weekend to try to eliminate my coffee consumption. I switched to similar amounts of (caffeinated) tea, and my distress all but disappeared. I now drink coffee every other day, and not nearly as much as I once had.]

I was eventually put on Avandia, which was nice for a while; however, the honeymoon soon ended. In winter 2001, I experienced severe abdominal pains, so severe I ended up in the ER. After much prodding and Xrays, they determined it was related to the three stones in my gall bladder (of which I never had troubles with, and haven't had problems since. I decided on my own to discontinue the Avandia, and *mysteriously* the abdominal pains disappeared for good.

When I moved to New York in 2001, I eventually changed endocrinologists. "Dr. N" as I'll call him, was yet another *pawn* in the Glucophage pharmaceutical enslavement policy and insisted on putting me back on Glucophage, this time the "XR" variety, insisting I'll have different results. Nothing changed with this variety Glucophage and after plenty of exams later, nothing changed; so I changed endocrinologists.

I then started seeing "Dr. H.", who insisted on putting me on something for my insulin, and I insisted I did not want Glucophage or Avandia, and telling him rather graphically why I did not want it. He then asked what I wanted and I suggested Actos. I was on Actos for nearly a year, with no real side effects to speak of; however, I was unable to lose weight and in nearly a year, my body did not menstruate. At the time, I was only 34, and in my eyes, too young to be in menopause or even that "pre" menopause.

No one seemed too interested or concerned in my lack of menstruation except me. I had undergone several (IMHO) demeaning clinical tests. When I started seeing "Dr. H.," he did a thorough physical exam on me, IMHO very invasive as it was the first time I had an endocrinologist interested in seeing my vulva and clitoris.

Later on I would suffer thru several Ultrasounds/Sonograms both trans and INTRA vaginal, to determine if there were problems within the uterus which prevented me from menstruating. My "stripe" was perfect, nice and thick, so there was no reason why Aunt Flow wasn't coming to town.

I have had a wide range of clinical blood work and other exams to rule out a "pheochromocytoma" (simply put a cyst on my adrenal gland/s). My DHEA at the highest was in the 1200 range; normal should be between 50-400). My cortisol was perfect; if it were excessively low or high it would indicate something wrong with the adrenals. I had a CAT done of my abdomen, again, perfect.

It's like looking for a needle in a haystack trying to decipher which of the hormones is driving my insulin to be too high.

I decided to go to a specialist in NYC whose bread and butter is PCOS and related syndromes. After taking perhaps the most THOROUGH medical history I've ever gone thru, and the vulva/clitoral exam again, I was sent home with a bunch of scrips for blood work to be done. The doctor praised me for having done my homework and having already put myself on a bunch of supplements to include: good multi vitamins, alpha lipoic acid, folic acid, grapeseed extract and milk thistle). He made the suggestion that going on an ACE inhibitor for my blood pressure would be better than what I was currently taking.

Back I went to "Dr. H.," who did not take the suggestion to change my blood pressure medication. He was too busy trying to use me for his next guinea pig experiment, this one was a dexamethasone suppression therapy, which means he injected me with some kind of steroid to stir up some kind of response with the adrenals. No response. Lord only knows what the end result will be on my body after all of these tests.

I went back to my osteopath in November 2003, and I asked him to put me on an ACE inhibitor, I suggested Accupril with an HCTZ diuretic, and asked him if after a month if it did not work for him to put me on Accupril and Spironolactone as a diuretic.

My PCP put me on a 12.5/25 dosage of Accuredic (which is Accupril & HCTZ combined), I experienced my first menstrual cycle in nearly a year. I am now taking 20/25 of Quinaretic (generic of Accuretic) and an evening pill of 20 of Quinipril (generic of Accupril). Two years later, I am still menstruating regularly, except for when I switched off Actos back to Metformin (Oct. 2005), as I would like to attempt to get pregnant.

As a result of the ACE inhibitor and having taken MYSELF off Actos, I have been on Atkins since April 2003, and I have dumped off close to 40 lbs (as of this date, 3/27/04), my blood pressure went from 150/90 to 120/70, and my cholesterol went from 204 to 180. I had an appointment scheduled for April 7, 2004, and will be undergoing a thorough physical exam. I should know with some level of certainty, if clinically, all of this has helped with my insulin resistance and other hormonal imbalances.

When I went to "Dr. H.," for the last time in February 2004, he did not seem too interested in my weight loss or the fact that my menstrual cycles resumed (to me that is an indicator that something hormonally is working right). And he sent me home with a two-month supply of Avandamet (a combo pill which contains both Glucophage and Avandia).

It was at that visit that I realized he did not seem too concerned with me and my health, and wanted to keep me a slave to the drug companies. To me, it is unacceptable to trade off one set of symptoms for an even more unpleasant set of side effects.

As of the 10th of November 2004, I went in for yet another series of ultra sounds, liver, pancreatic, kidney, heart, intra and trans vaginal. All looking for yet another needle in the haystack. It's got me concerned about what lies in store for me (ED note: In 2005 I was diagnosed with "fatty liver" syndrome, which is part and parcel of insulin resistance problems).

Going to check with my specialist about getting a copy of the pictures of my cystic ovaries so you can see what I'm dealing with.

Bad news tho! I weaned myself off a strict Atkins regimen (in 2004) because we thought I was sowing signs of gout (proteins won't flush out of my kidneys and I have a build up of uric acid). And the pain I was experiencing in my feet turned out not to be gout afterall. After a visit with an orthopedist confirmed I have two heel spurs on my left heel, one starting on my right, and the start of arthritis in one of my feet.

I am always seeking out as natural of remedies as I can, to be used concurrently with my prescriptions, both for blood pressure and insulin resistance control. If there is a homeopath or an aryuvedist out there reading this who can furnish more conclusive information on aryuvedic remedies (i.e. the benefits of Karela, "aka" Bitter Gourd/Bitter Melon), I invite them to leave a comment to this post.

I will be occasionally posting information or things I go thru related to my PCOS or other health issues to my Blog.

As of October 2005, my specialist put me back on Metformin, as I would like to attempt to conceive a child, and it is unknown the effects that Actos could potentially have on a fetus.

As of January 2006, I will be "jump starting" my system by going back on Atkins for several months, and eventually will wean myself back to a "lower glycemic" lifestyle. Living in America, as I do, "low glycemic" flies in the face of everything that's "convenient," or can be "eaten on the go." My mindset is one of an exercise in futility.