Pre-op/Post-op

A glimpse of my pantry, as it appeared, "pre-op."

Here's a picture of it now, post-op.
If I think about this too long, it'll depress me.

My Intake Schedule

ETA: This schedule has been modified very slightly since

the time I typed it into an excel spreadsheet, but this

is pretty much the format I am following the first month.

In Summation: The First Week (TMI)

1/19/11: 275
1/21/11: 280
1/22/10: "Onset day" (That dirty bitch, Flo!)
1/25/11: 261

One thing I don't think I was given adequate warning for was something as simple/basic as a daily bowel movement. I never thought to ask my surgeon exactly what to expect (really there are so many more pressing details to focus upon), and now that I'm in "the thick of it" it's affecting my daily living. And I guess will continue to do so until me and my body establish and re-define exactly what is "normal" for us.

• Day 5: Had 2 doses of milk of magnesia with zero effect.
• Day 6: Husband administered *shudder* an enema, which elicited lackluster (imho), and I might add, it also broke down what little "mystery" was left in our marriage.
• Day 7: I spiked my protein shake with 2.5 tsps of flax seed oil to help counteract the constipation; Zero poo activity. (Tho, I will be boosting this to the full 1 T. dose on the bottle for my next shake that is mixed up.)
• Day 8: (Today) Evacuation completed, no other intervention, tho it was "time consuming" and bordering-on-painful to do so. Pre-op, if I had the urge to go, I had to heed it immediately or suffer the consequences (I always suspected I had a "touch" of IBS; but really? It could have been the metformin--note: I'm not on my metformin for my PCOS, and probably won't resume until after 5 weeks, when I follow up with my endocrinologist, so that's a factor here too.).

Here endeth this week's Poop Report.

Day Five

I’m on liquids and purees at the moment. Will be for a month. I’m risking it right now, as I’m drinking my first bit of coffee in all this while, hoping it’ll help with my headache (as well as my constipation).

I’ve had a horrible headache that (believe it or not) the hydrocodone isn’t even helping. Additionally, I came home just in time to have my period. Between the headache, the period pains (mine get worse each month), and my neck/shoulder/back spasms, I’m in quite a bit of discomfort.

Oh, and I have a horrible rash on my buttocks, which I've scratched RAW. It's an unrelenting itch.

Today, I take off my bandages covering the sutures. The adhesive is now irritating me. Oh and I have a bad rash on my bum!

I’m a wreck, eh? :)

Operation was a success. Surgeon did not even order up a leak test to see if the pouch leaks. He’s that confident that it was great. Also, I stayed in the hospital an additional day, and was on purees before I left, so if I had any problems, they would have taken care of it before releasing me.

I am just wishing this first post-op month to go FAST. :)

Three Days Later...

I'm home.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

The surgeon removed the gall bladder and repaired my hiatal hernia in addition to doing the gastric bypass.

I'm alternating between feeling sucker punched in the gut, and feeling like the cross county bus hit me and dragged me for a few stops. The thing that surprises me is how winded I feel, and how it hurts to take a deep breath. I wasn't expecting this. Not complaining, just making note of it.

Also fun and newsworthy: Came home just in time for my period to start. Some folks told me this would happen "because of the stress of the surgery," but to be honest, I believe it's just happening because my last onset day was 12/25, so I'm "due."

Headachey. And throat now is feeling horrible. Time for some hot tea and more relaxation.

Oh And For What It's Worth?

Looks like after all the struggling and whining, I may have lost about 7 lbs in the two weeks I've been on a modified fast.

Starving... for seven measley pounds.

::SEETHES::

T-Minus 16.5 hours (Thereabouts)

About 12 noon tomorrow is when they slice 'n dice me.

EFFEXOR DON'T FAIL ME NOW!

Packing list thus far (and this is being modest):

Back Brace
Bathrobe
Book, magazine and/or portable crochet project to fight boredom
Boroleum (ointment for nose)
Carmex/Chap Stick
Chlorox wipes (hey, I found a travel pack)
CPAP
Cell phone
Day Planner
Identification
Inventory of medications and supplements
Lipstick (Hey, trying to make a silk purse out of the sow's ear that my hospital stay will be)
Little can of lysol (because let's face it, hospitals are filthy, skeevy places)
Menstrual supplies (just in case I gush post-op)
Moisturizer
Moisturizing mouth spray
Pajamas
Slippers & socks
Thermacare heat wraps
Toiletries
Underpants
Water bottle/Crystal lite packets
Wet Wipes

Last Minute Nesting & Errands

Headed out today for a dental cleaning (and then later, a pedicure & manicure) pre-op, figuring I couldn't do so for at least a month post-op due to the blood thinners. Chiropractor. Grocery. Dry cleaners. Supermarket for things we didn't get at Whole Foods on Thursday night. Japanese market for some stuff. Then off to BB&B for a microwavable rice cooker (one of the best inventions ever). Came home and promptly put up dinner for the husband. Otherwise been vegetating a bit here.

But one good tidbit I managed to get from my dental hygenist was that folks who are on a high protein diet or who use high protein shakes should really use electric toothbrushes, as the proteins fuse to the teeth, thus causing a rapid accumulation of plaque/tartar/calculus/whatever. Useful information! Once I go back to work, I should make a point of brushing after my morning shakes.

Color on toes: Linkin Park After Dark by Opi.

Mood: Resigned, yet relaxed. There will be plenty of time for me to have a HOLY SHIT breakdown before the 19th.

Not sure how much more prepared I should get. Bought more broth, Jello, and some Gatorade. So far this has been a lot of $$$; but fortunately for me insurance covers the procedure, so I guess things could be far more expensive.

Last things to work on:

Overtime report for work (going to compile and format it, then email it to a coworker to print out);
Pack bag;
Phone-in appt w/therapist on Tues;
Drop off paperwork at office on Tues;
Drop off/pick up laundry tomorrow;
Sit and knit with some friends tomorrow;
Clean CPAP, mask and hose to make hospital ready.

Today's Craving

Seaweed salad
Icy cold scallop w/roe sack & connective tissue attached

Intense Cravings I've Had This Week

In no particular order:

Pork shumai dimsum dumplings
Deviled Eggs
Macaroni salad
BBQ Ribs

Something To Be Considered Down The Line

Note to self: Donate professional wear to: Dress For Success.

Avert Your Eyes. Whining Ahead.

Last night, I opted not to have my third shake, nor my yogurt, nor my fruit as is allowed in this "modified" fast I'm on to shrink my bloated liver, to avoid problems or injury during my surgery next week.

I was just so depressed and disgusted, I brushed my teeth and went to bed. Woke up with a headache and an aggressive mood swing, rendering me into a fit of tears. I stood in the bathroom after my shower, sobbing, putting my forehead on the wall, sobbing uncontrollably, and wishing it were my father's chest rather than the wall, as that was how he'd comfort me, standing, in a hug, letting me sob into his chest.

Great way to start the day, get out of the house and interact with people, starting the day wanting to be dead.

So, I was so hungry this a.m., I had my only solid meal at breakfast, which I know will come back and bite me in the ass, as it's already 3:24 p.m., and I"m drinking my second shake, knowing I only have one more to get me thru the day. Yogurt and fruit are still on my list, and I think 2 cups of veggies. But I'm just sick of food. Sick of worrying about it. And sicker still... of the shakes.

Sure, yay me. I'm doing something proactive, going in for the surgery to try to reverse some of this shit I'm going thru physically. But there is a little part of me that acknowledges how very twisted it is, for me to go thru what amounts to "surgical anorexia" and who-knows-how this will affect me and make me a food freak.

I have no real will to live and am doing so out of habit, and out of pure cowardice, not to mention my intense fear of failure, which is preventing me from acting on my sorrow, because knowing me, I'd fuck it up, and when I wake from the coma, I'd be attached to a dialysis machine for the rest of my life, thus ensuring I never go anywhere interesting ever again.

So yeah. I'm bleak. Whatever. I'm so depressed I should just puke, if it weren't for the fact that would make me bitchier, more hungry, and make me get a headache that Tylenol won't even be able to remedy.

I just want to curl into a ball and die.

Mood: Surly with a soupÇon of "I'll rip your throat out."

Ridin' Out The Storm

Day 1 of my fast was Thursday (two days ago). I made the fatal mistake of not eating everything I was entitled to, and rather, had a large salad w/extra chicken as my "meal" of the day. All went well on Day 1, or so I thought, until I woke up yesterday a.m.

I woke up with a headache so fierce, and it hadn't even blossomed into full force at that point. At 8 a.m., I called in sick, and went back to bed until 1. The rest of the afternoon consisted of me attempting to eat or drink or take my medications, and promptly vomit, cry, break out into a cold sweat, and then lay down for a nap. Repeat about 3X thru the day. I spent the greater portion of the day in the fetal position in agony, hoping for the sweet release that only death can bring.

As much as I *thought* I wsan't eating all that many carbs or refined foods, apparently I have been consuming them.

Luckily, I had some Rx cough syrup with some "special stuff" in it, which I promptly swigged down in the hopes of breaking the headache of doom. By about 9 p.m., I had calmed down enough to take in SOME sustenance.

Honestly, I hope this was the worst of the pre-op stuff. Eleven more days until surgery. Honestly I don't know how some folks can eat right up until the surgery and not have this interim period with the fasting. It gets you in a habit with the shakes and supplements.

As miserable as I've been the last two days, I can see the benefit of it.

But still secretly, or not so secretly, I"m open to any change: whether the surgery is a success, or if I die on the table under anesthesia. It's all good.

Pre-Op Nesting Continues:

Lovonox and Prevacid have been purchased.

Pre-op modified fast started at 9:30 this a.m. By 10:15 I was counting down the moments until lunch (decided to have my solid meal at lunch rather than dinner).

Every joint in my body is hurting. Extra strength tylenol is not cutting it. Can't wait until this weekend when I see my podiatrist, so I can start Celebrex ASAP.

We Have Now Achieved "Pre-Op" Status

Went to NYC to have the pre-op testing and admissions done.

So stressed out, from both, the transit getting there as well as the "holy shit, this is really really going to happen," I had explosive diarrhea AND a migraine which just refused to quit.

Took, what I believe is officially the last advil and excedrin I'm going to have for a good long while. Going to the internist sometime maybe this weekend to see about getting some Rx medication for my headaches to have "just in case," as I cannot take NSAIDs for 2 weeks prior to surgery and I'll no doubt be strongly told not to take them post-op due to concerns of ulcerations.

Weight was taken as the official start weight: 277.2. There. I said it.

Starting tomorrow, I will be on the pre-op modified fast until surgery, which is scheduled for 1/19/11. Don't have a time yet.

Did so much walking yesterday, didn't know it at the time, but hells bells, my shins hurt. Yanno that spot between the two bones of your shin? RIGHT THERE. THROBBING PAIN.

Still think it's pretty sad that I'd rather undergo surgery than be at the office. But there ya go... that's my reality.