My Hair

It's thinning. I guess a normal consequence of my PCOS. However, all of my androgen levels are good, with only my DHEA being somewhat elevated (tho no where's near as high as it's been).

I had been in a rut where I wasn't shampooing every day (or even every other day for that matter), partially because I'm lazy, and partially because of the fear that excessive washing would cause more shedding.

Going to try to shampoo every day (if I can). My hair is quite long at this point, so it's a PITA to shampoo it. I normally donate a pony tail every other year or so, and I guess I might be overdue for a donation. Though I do notice that each subsequent ponytail isn't as robust or lush as I wish it were.

I'm hoping that since I'm on so many MORE supplements now, post-op, I'm hoping that perhaps it might be enough to kick start the hair growth. My fingernails look utterly great, and I hope for the same for my hair.

Shampoo every day w/regular shampoo, leaving the suds on for 5 minutes while I scrub the rest of my body. Shampoo 1x a week w/a ketoconazole & salicylic acid based shampoo. Towel dry. And argan oil the hair (and hairline) itself to keep it from getting dry, brittle, and fly away. I think this weekend I might breakdown and get it chopped. Might.

Also boosting my biotin and folate, hoping for the best. Was thinking of boosting my niacin, but think I bought the "wrong type," and besides it might be too much on top of the Centrum I take in the morning, and the pre-natal I take in the evening.

My endocrinologist recommended I check out the videos on this site; however, it appears the videos are not loading. Going to keep checking back at that link and see if they'll fix the streaming.

Post-Endo Synopsis

Lost 14 lbs since the last time I saw him. Not pleased at so little, but hey, at least it's LOSING and not gaining.

Blood pressure still needs to come down, remained pretty constant around 130/80 (on average), despite losing close to 25% of my overall body weight. But then again? My coffee consumption has (easily) doubled or even tripled since my surgery. Everyone's got a vice, mine is coffee. I'm trying not to be hard on myself, because some folks end up becoming alcoholics post-op, because they can't comfort themselves with food, and liquids are easier to get in, plus post-op it doesn't take much booze to affect you. So, I won't be too hard on myself about the coffee. Plus, it's got magical laxative effects. I could make an argument I drink it for medicinal purposes.

Not sure if my uric acid levels dropped as a result of the post-op dietary changes (unlikely, as seafood and cheese are still being consumed regularly), or if it's from exogenous sources such as the cherry extract capsules I've been taking for the last month. Whatever it is, it seems to be working. Just wish my joints would stop hurting.

Everything seemed to be within normal parameters except for my good cholesterol, but I suspect as I lose more weight (and hopefully when the joint pain gets addressed), I'll become more mobile, and those levels will change. But let's face it. I'm a sloth.

Thinking seriously of putting together a spreadsheet, so I can compare in 3 month intervals, starting the year before my surgery right up to current date, the progress I've made, lab results-wise.

The new-to-me-gyno will be GonzoGyno hereforward. When I saw the endo on Monday he asked about the ultrasound results, of which I hadn't received, even after being terrorized by being handed that pamphlet for Novasure without discussion. I refuse to call GonzoGyno's office. Endo's office got the results for me. 2.5 cm fibroid (tho I didn't get the location of it), and my endometrial stripe is perfect. So I was terrorized for absolutely nothing.

One thing I think SOME doctors neglect to realize is the economics involved in being a patient, and fail to realize that while these assholes treat their patients like a dollar sign or a number rather than treating them with dignity and compassion (subtext: "Do no harm"), they also, by extension fail to realize that the patient, much like any CONSUMER when displeased with the quality (or lack thereof) of services rendered is free to take their business elsewhere.

Life is too short for me to suffer fools. Hence, I'll be taking my endo's recommendation. Granted it means yet another health care provider of mine is in NYC, but it's only 35 minutes away via train; it's not as if it's JUPITER.

Return: December.
Meds get shifted around/changed. June starts our "100 Day Project."

Horrendous Cramps

Finally broke down and slurped some liquid children's motrin (after I ate). Hopefully that little bit is enough to soften the sharp pain. Really don't want to rely on my Lortab...there are times I actually want to stay awake.

Friday's Noms

Mammy and Pappy

Well, at least two tests came back clean!

Day 2 of 7

Day two of no communication from the new-to-me gyno re: results of ultrasound.

Note to self: do a preliminary call to see if the recommended gyno in NYC is taking new patients and if he takes my insurance.

Also: 1 p.m. head to former gyno's office to pick up medical records, because the dolts can't figure out what to do.

24 Days

Yikes. Normally I'm 28-35 days, onset day to onset day.

Today took me by surprised: 24 days onset day to onset day. WTF?

Also: OF COURSE. I *HAD* TO BE WEARING KHAKIS TODAY.

Protip: Dear NYC metro area menstruators, do NOT use Duane Reade ultra thins. While the pad itself is what you'd expect, the adhesive DOES NOT ADHERE. Dear Duane Reade Corporate/Dear MEN in Duane Reade Corporate: Next to absorption, ADHESION is the second most important thing a woman looks for in an ADHESIVE menstrual pad.

Month-long Plateau

That is all.

Preliminary Result

Technician said I have a 2 cm fibroid, and did not notice any other abnormality. She also gave me some feedback that, YES VIRGINIA, this doctor isn't "chatty," and would more likely comment/compliment me on my necklace (WHICH SHE MOST CERTAINLY, FUCKING *DID*) than she would make small talk to find out if I was even interested in having kids or not.

So hurry up and wait until this antisocial twunt calls me back to let me know the full results of the ultrasounding of my snapper.

Who has time to be trifled like this?

Future Recourse

My endocrinologist made a recommendation for a gynecologic oncologist, should I need to seek out a second opinion. And even if I don't require a second opinion (assuming all is clear on my ultrasound and any biopsy and any other diagnostics to be run to determine what is going on with my baby basket), I might still seek out this doctor for a consultation and see if he can be my primary gyno.

I loathe pussyfooting around with a good majority of the medical professionals found in the 'burbs. Who has the time and energy to be trifled with? And if going to Columbia for my gastric bypass, and going to Mt. Sinai for a gynecological consult makes me a snob, then so be it. At least I'm a snob who is alive and well, and has a reasonable quality of life.

It's like that line of dialogue from Shawshank Redemeption, "Either get busy living, or get busy dying." Therein is the rub. Dying a slow death due to negligence (either by me or by an inept doctor) is not an acceptable state of being for me.

Three more days until my ultrasound... well, TWO more and "a wake up."

Ultrasound

Turns out 9/12 is a hot hot day in our office to be out, as two of the remaining secretaries will also be out that day for doctor appointments.

Works out better for me that I rescheduled my ultrasound for this coming Saturday. At least it's two extra days I don't have to be waiting for this diagnostic.

Already sent out an email to my endocrinologist telling him what's going on. Hopefully he'll be able to navigate things, medically, for me; and hopefully he'll provide me with a recommendation for a gynecologist who specializes in this type of thing.

Perhaps I'm a glutton for punishment.

Today is my ten year wedding anniversary, and the "pragmatic me" scheduled a gyno appt, much in the way of how I scheduled blood work for my birthday last month.

I'm finally going to address the excessive pain and excessive mess of my periods. Tomorrow is a mamo. 9/12 is the ultrasound to get an idea of what’s cookin’ in my uterus (i.e. fibroids, cysts, endometriosis? the mind reels, honestly).

Depending on the outcome, I may end up having to go in for a procedure which not only could potentially decrease my ability to get pregnant, but make it even more dangerous (more dangerous than just being 43 with a blood clotting disorder, that is) to get pregnant.

I spent 10 years with the ex, wasting prime baby making years on him, with that marriage imploding the very year we were to start working at starting a family. Yet, there he is, divorced from #2, and with a son who has the very name I picked out for the son we never had.

And here I am 43, rickety, broken down, some days unable or unwilling to take care of myself, and kind of feeling numb, not really sad, that the notion of DECIDING to have a kid was not something I’d have a part in.

My reality I have to come to accept, eventually is, that for me, I never had the luxury of making that decision. Either other people or circumstances stood in my way (poverty in the first marriage; and now post-op gastric bypass here), and here I am at the tail end of that aftermath, with husband #2, who is okay with the idea of adoption if we choose to do so, and I just feel numb.

Time is standing still, somewhat. I can look backwards in time, and look to the present, but left to live in the here and now, and not look forward. Beyond me there is nothingness.

I’m undecided how I feel about this. I love my life. I love my vacations and my husband and my home. I would have loved to have had a kid of my own, and yet, always held back on letting that desire drive me in life. To me my gender never equated to my destiny.

I wasn’t sad when I first started typing this. And now…I selfishly wish my dad were alive today, so I could bury my face in his chest, and we both could cry about this together.