Head is perpetually shaking itself to indicate "no." To whom or what? I haven't a clue.
Flow started yesterday; last one started 7/27, so I'm averaging close to a month and a half as my menstrual cycle, roughly 45 days.
I hit 40 in August.
Each successive cycle is worse than before.
I just want to go in and get my fertility mourning over for good. Time and circumstance, marriage, divorce, remarriage. The medical problems and the men in my life have made the decision for me, and for the ultimate choice of whether I'll ever be a mother, as well as have a flesh and blood child of my own.
It is pointless for me to continue on the way I am, fooling myself--an old woman, that I stand a snowball's chance in Satan's asscrack, of becoming pregnant, or even the luxury of thinking I even had a choice in the matter. There's no fool like an old fool.
I'll be spending the day dabbing at my eyes, popping Midol, as well as Googling, "elective hysterectomy."
All this blood is pointless. Absolutely pointless.
