2 Days W/out Movement

So yes, another poo related post. I want to illustrate the divergent differences between my pre-op and post-op poo procedures.

Pre-Op:

I get the urge.
Go to bathroom.
Sit down.
Evacuate the soft-serve.
Leave bathroom within 5 minutes.

Post-Op:

I get the urge.
Go to bathroom.
Sit down.
Bear down hard.
Take a breather.
Rub knees.
Bear down a bit more.
Take a breather.
Give self a pep talk.
Press pressure point on hand which is supposed to magically release the Krakken.
Bear down some more.
Do toilet yoga, bending and contorting this way and that, hoping to leverage the fecal leviathan out.
Take a breather.
Pinch a few times.
Take a few deep breaths.
Wipe.
Thank the universe.
Leave bathroom.
Estimated time held hostage by my feces: Half hour (+/-).