The Struggle Is Real

Whatever. I'm just not satisfied with pretty much everything going on in my life. But here on this blog, I'll just try to stick to the health or physical shit.

For nearly a month, I have endured food related anhedonia. Food, whether eating or creating it, has always brought me joy. And in the last, nearing-a-month, it hasn't.

I'm pretty much hungry all the time, and equally turned off and bored by food, too, if that makes any sense at all. Nothing trips my trigger, and furthermore, I don't feel satisfied.

I wouldn't complain if I managed to lose weight, which, I don't know if I have or haven't, as ever since the drama in January with the glucose tolerance test, and the new diagnosis of reactive hypoglycemia, somehow I managed to pack on an additional five pounds I cannot seem to shed, so let's just say I'm reluctant to hop on the scale. 

I feel like my surgery has failed me. For starters, there was the promise of having mesh installed around what was left of my stomach, and turns out that never happened. And I thought after the surgery, it would impact the leptin/ghrellin and I wouldn't feel hunger--well that's bullshit too. On top of all this, the RH diagnosis. I'm just not happy.

Then we decided to try to buy life insurance, and there's been one delay after another from the insurance company, as they believe I'm diabetic, which I'm not, which then sends me down the rabbit hole of feeling insulted that they are implying I lied on the intake evaluations etc, which I didn't. They asked, "Are you diabetic?" My reply was NO. Not at any point in time did they ask me if I were hypoglycemic, which is NOT the same thing as diabetes. 

Whatever. 

I'm feeling more than a bit MEH these days, unresolved shit at work, me struggling every damned day to stay motivated and to try to just MERELY MAINTAIN what weight I've managed to remain. My mood these days has somewhat bottomed out too.

Anyway, I'm still alive, still kicking, still fighting the good fight. I don't see the endocrinologist until August (thank heavens), and I see my kidney doc and cooter-ologist in June, when I'll also see a friend for lunch too, I hope.

Beyond that, I'm in a holding pattern.