Not much to report beyond the trauma therapist seems like a good fit & was a good listener & validating; and the consultation with the NP didn’t hear fruit yet. No meds yet. She is starting the process to get genetic testing pre-authorized to see which Rx might be best, though we did discuss possibilities, and I won’t be surprised if I end up on prozac.
So in the meantime, I am still struggling with sadness, grief, rage, resentment, and panic attacks and dissociating—and just feeling profoundly alone and exhausted, and exasperated that no one seems capable to help me. And at the same time, I bristle at shreds of caring from others, and just want to push everyone away. I don’t want to grab their hands to help myself, as I am convinced I will only drown both of us as my emotional rip tide pulls us both under water and away from shore.
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