Mom & The Malocchio

So today's her birthday. She would have been 79 today. Right on time, this morning her sister sent me a text with nothing but a heart emoji in it. That's what my relationship with her has been reduced to: no actual communication, no substance, just emojis. 

Anyway. Where I left off, I wanted to find someone to lift the curse (or curses) with which mom cursed me. Though I haven't found someone to do the traditional Italian ritual to lift the malocchio, my therapist highly recommended an energy healer out on Long Island.

I am not sure what I hope to evolve from the meeting with the healer. I need to focus my intent for that appointment. Right now, I am hoping to achieve some nebulous goal of the healer unblocking whatever it is that has me stuck in this cycle of suffering and grief and everything that is triggering my C-PTSD symptoms. 

Mom has been dead four years now, and I want her emotionally destructive programming expunged from my psyche so I can move forward with my life. I made so much progress in 10-15 years before COVID, and in one fell swoop, like a tsunami, the pandemic, mom dying, my friend Susan dying, the constant state of stress from assessing my risks for EVERYTHING--it wiped out the life I had.  

I am tired of just existing or surviving; I want to resume THRIVING.

Coincidentally, I was looking at the attendance calendar my office manager keeps, and I see that she did not remove my March vacation dates then we changed those dates to May. So I'm on the calendar for the last week of March (okay, 4 out of the 5 days--I have to be in the office on the Friday of that week). 

Initially I was going to remind her those dates were changed, and then I decided to just keep it to myself, and let the vacation dates stand. I need a break. So, I've scheduled my appointment with the healer for 3/28/24. Maharajah and I plan on going for a movie and doing some other things if we can during that time. I also have been day dreaming and planning and squirreling away supplies and items for a bathroom renovation project too, so I might even have the contractor come out for the initial consultation early on in that week, too. 

Self care takes many forms, and for me, in addition to the bevvy of medical appointments I have booked (so far, 15) for the month of March, I've got a pedicure scheduled and an appointment with the energy healer scheduled. The bathroom renovation project is also self care--as I spend so much time at home now, I want my bathroom to be updated and become as nice as possible, and become my oasis.

Foot doc on 3/11/24
MRI on 3/12/2024
First day of spring: 3/20/24
Internist on 3/25/24

All the hard work of all scheduling & attending these appointments hopefully will bear some fruit on the 25th. Hopefully Spring will provide me with some relief.