Dayenu! (It Would Have Been Sufficient...)

Seems like I'm putting the DIE in Dayenu...

If I just had to deal with PCOS & Syndrome X, dayenu.
If I just had to deal with fatty liver syndrome and hypertension, dayenu.
If I just had to endure RnY to turn some of that shit around, dayenu.
If I just had my joint pain, herniations, carpal tunnel, and plantars fasciitis, dayenu.

If I just had my "optic nerve druzen," dayenu.
If I just had my adenomyosis, endometriosis, and infertility, dayenu.
If I just had my kidney issue, hypertension (yes, a 2nd utterance), and migraines, dayenu.
If I just had 7 thyroid nodules, one of which is "suspicious," aka has "unclean margins," dayenu.

Summation: Monday I had three appointments. The trifecta of suck as it were.

1st appt: Nephrologist. Nothing new. Cortisol still high. Pee in a cup. Still no resolution on my blood pressure Rx, which we have been talking about changing or tweaking for months now.

2nd appt: Ultrasound of thyroid. Oh yes. Fabulous. Asshole doctor is a no-show, but diagnostic center gave me choice of continuing w/a different radiologist to read and interpret the findings. Okay. Fabulous. Seven nodules (thought I had just one), with one being close to an inch in diameter, and with "unclean margins." RED FLAG. Of course, HAD the asshole doc been there, I could have seen about getting a fine needle aspiration done THAT DAY, but no. I'll have to burn another day (or half) a day to come back into the city for this nonsense. Which means, I have to wait yet again for an office to call me back to let me know when they can fit me in, and of course, they cannot get this shit done today, or tomorrow or even this week. My anger is righteous, and brewing moment by moment. I went into this appt armed with the knowledge (thanks to Dr. Google) that if it were thyroid cancer, there's an 80% chance it's benign. Radiologist contradicted and said it's closer to 90%. Okay. So I exit the building, get pinged by the husband, and find out his grandmother passed away earlier that morning and he wanted to go home asap, but would wait knowing I had a 3rd appt later this afternoon.

This day is getting better and better.

3rd appt: Endocrinologist. Of course nephrologist never forwarded him any information from our appointment earlier in the day, so the blood pressure Rx discussion gets shelved YET AGAIN (I'll tell this to my migraines and heart flutters, I'm sure there's therapeutic benefit in that, right?). He calls me into his office, the inner sanctum, instead of the exam room. Glum as a chum he informs me that things aren't good, and I need to get a biopsy done ASAP. And oh yeah, remember that 90% the radiologist quoted? Yeah, well that's closer to 75%-70%. Plus, with the size and location of that 1 inch motherfucker? Even if it's not cancerous, that doesn't mean that surgery is out of the question because if it continues to grow, it's a choking hazard. As it stands, I can feel it when I swallow, and I have discomfort when I swallow hard tablets and supplements.

And of course, the place that does FNAs don't do them on the days I already HAVE appointments, which means ADDITIONAL time off. And of course, given the fact that the thyroid is MILES away from my endometrium and fallopian tubes, when I have THOSE procedures done next month, I cannot get the thyroid done at the same time, so I can recover from all of that mess at the same time. Oh no.

I'm bearing my burden well, thankyouverylittle. I'm just not bearing the burden HAPPILY.  I'll power thru the best I can like I always do, but yanno what?

DAYENU! Enough. Just, fucking, ENOUGH already.