Even choosing to discontinue therapy can be progress. Progress in-so-far as I don't want to waste one more moment with a therapist who doesn't specialize in the issues with which I need help: schema therapy (with associated self esteem issues); rumination therapy; narcissistic abuse recovery; and grief therapy.
For eleven weeks I've spun my wheels in a futile attempt to gain anything beneficial from my therapist Stephen, who insisted being despondent was a choice, and telling me to put a positive spin on things, and to try to "trap and release" the negative intrusive thoughts WITHOUT TELLING ME HOW TO DO THAT. Because, HELLO! I am talking to a therapist for tools or strategies to do exactly that, stop the negative intrusive thoughts!
To be blunt, I've gotten more out of doing this guided breathing meditation which my acupuncturist suggested to me (three years ago--but hey, it takes me a while before I do anything). I am two weeks into doing it (and haven't done it consistently every day for the second week, mind you) and already it has quieted the physical/physiological part, wherein I was suffering debilitating, persistent, daily sobbing jags which weren't cathartic and left me emotionally and physically spent.
So, last night the first thing I did was left a vm for a neuropsychologist with whom I spoke about 7-10 days ago asking info about becoming a new patient. I left a vm for more information, as she's out of network and I'd have to pay out of pocket. And the last thing I did before leaving my office for the day was contacting the office of the psychology practice where my therapist works, and simply stated I wanted to discontinue sessions.
So now I wait for the doc to call me in return. And if the stars don't line up with this doc, there is always a narcissistic abuse life coach I will probably contact in regards to private coaching sessions. I just want to move forward and stay afloat.
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