Kaizen: Day 272

Thanks to my travels last month, I have backslid ENTIRELY. I have not been on my bike in about 34 days.

I thought while I was in India, I'd use the exercise room at my in-laws' apartment complex, but that would've involved an escort, and it was too damned hot and humid for me to consider expending any additional energy. 

While In India, I did manage to get an aryuvedic massage at the ashram I was staying at in Kumbakonam; and I later went to an aryuvedic doctor in Madras to hopefully get some solution/s to my chronic pains. So there's that--I managed to do SOMETHING towards my goals, but in the meantime I backslid entirely. 

Then there was Thanksgiving, and work, and no real amount of downtime for me to recover from everything, and here I am 34 days and no bike.

I've set two alarms: one in the evening with a reminder SLEEP HYGIENE! to hopefully motivate me to get out of my heated zero gravity chair and brush my teeth and take my meds and set up some things for the following day, and hopefully get into bed by a decent time (no such luck--I ignore this alarm every damned night); and one in the morning at 6 a.m., hoping one day I'll just "Five Second Rule" myself out of bed and onto my bike.

Couple all this up with the fact I haven't talked to my therapist since the third week of October, and since he's going through chemo it is doubtful/unlikely/uncertain when (if at all) I will speak with him again before the year is out.

But come January, I will be seeking out a new therapist to hopefully help me work through and manage my schemas, and hopefully help me with my mindset.

That all said, despite not getting out of bed this morning, I did manage to hit the snooze alarm--and I used my resistance bands and started back into THAT routine. Hopefully I'll be motivated tomorrow to do it too. And with any luck, maybe Saturday I'll get back on the bike. Maybe.

Kaizen: Day 258

I have backslid 100%.

Prior to our recent trip abroad, I had something horrible/challenging happen to me at work, which ended up depressing me. However, something useful did come of it all, and I've decided to find a person who specializes in schema therapy.

Then our trip abroad effectively gummed up the works and got me 100% off my schedule regarding my bike.

Despite that, while we were away, I did manage to go to both, an aryurvedic ashram, and another aryurvedic clinic while we were away, where I received aryuvedic massages, and at the second place, supplements and exercises to help facilitate some change in my collection of pain issues.

Only time will tell if it will ultimately help.

And Thanksgiving will be here in "one day and a wake up," so there's no chance of getting back in any kind of routine until AFTER the holiday. 

Next month, I have three appointments set, and hope to get some good news from my kidney guy--good news in the form of a discussion that goes thusly, "Okay, tell me what you're doing differently." I feel like I'm battling an invisible dragon in regards to my protein levels in my urine.

Anyway, more to report in a couple weeks or so (I hope).

Kaizen: Day 173

Maintaining 30 minutes on the bike daily. Though for a while there, I was setting an alarm to get up by 5:55 every day, and was knocking out an hour a day, Monday-Friday. Then I dropped down to Monday, Wednesday, Friday. 

For the last few weeks I've been very flat, perhaps even depressed. Of the litany of reasons why my mood is bottoming out might be:

1. August's heat and humidity.
2. Spending the majority of the month without my co-worker who sits closest to me (who is the first person I see daily and is a very positive person). 
3. I have been on Jury duty for the last few weeks. 
4. I told off a petty, trouble-making relative.
5. I turned 50 this month.
6. Or it might be a combination of these things. 

Also worth mentioning, that for the entire month of August, my physical therapy appointments which normally are on Saturday mornings, had to be moved to Tuesday nights this month, because my physical therapist isn't available--and this really threw a monkey wrench into the structure of my Saturdays, as my physical therapy appointments were the catalyst to get me out of the house, and into motion do do doing things. So my whole routine has been off, and I just feel wiped out. 

I haven't done anything towards improving my sleep hygiene, and I'm still struggling to get out of bed in the morning, and by extension, this is impacting how much time I get on the bike. Plus, we've had a few cool evenings, which makes it great sleeping weather, so once I finally DO drop off, the last thing I want to do is get out of bed.

This weekend, I didn't bother getting on the bike at all, so I absolutely had to make an attempt today, otherwise, I was fearful of backsliding completely. 

I'm keeping up with all my supplementation and self-care.  

Physical therapy tomorrow, and chiropractic on Thursday. Beyond this, nothing new to report.

*Note: Physical therapy never happened. This therapist became increasingly more difficult to schedule appointments with. His unavailability was part of a greater cascade of events which have actually added to my pain, anxiety, and depression issues.

Kaizen: Day 111

Got up at 6 a.m. 

I knocked out 30 minutes on the bike, packed my lunch, and managed to make a batch of Beef Burgundy in my pressure cooker, before showering up and heading out for an 8 a.m. orthopedic appointment which was booked spontaneously yesterday.

Not to belabor the point, but I'm in a LOT of pain. The NP has been going through the motions to file an appeal with the insurance company to approve the hyaluronic gel injections for my knee. This has been going on since May, as I was hoping to get the shots on schedule in June. And here it is, June is almost over and no shots. 

I called the NP to follow up on a voicemail she left me, and mentioned how much pain I am in, and can I get a cortisone shot in the interim while we wait for the insurance appeal process to conclude.

I got the shot in the knee, plus an Rx for more PT, plus an Rx for meloxicam. 

On my to do list today, I need to update my supplement list, and email that PLUS my full radiology packet to the NP.

Perhaps some TEMPORARY relief is in sight.

PERHAPS.

While I am philosophically opposed to cortisone, for what I feel are justifiable reasons, at this point, I'd snort Draino if someone said it would help. I view the cortisone as = to Draino at this point. 

Doing nothing, as always, is not an option for me. Even sitting still, appearing inert, I am always thinking.

The only card I can play right now is to do whatever is necessary to keep walking, and at the moment, the cortisone + meloxicam is the only option for me (well, the only option, in addition to my regimen of chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture, and physical therapy). 

Look how dismissive I am about "the only card."  On the surface, I'm so dismissive as if I only had one of a kind; but the reality is, I have either four of a kind, or possibly 1 card shy of a full house. (I need to get better about my playing card analogies.)

Kaizen Day 83 & An Update

Still at it with the bike, though I had physical therapy on Saturday and gave myself Sunday to rest, and back at it yesterday. Today I had to go to the dentist first thing in the a.m., so I had to blow it off--and I might try to get on the bike tonight--but I have a chiro appointment. 

Other developments:

5/23 I had a consultation with a rhematologist to get screened for things like RA or Psoriatic Arthritis, etc. I gave him enough information to support CPDD/CPPD (aka pseudogout), too. And given I am convinced I might be sub-clinical for hypothyroid--the pseudogout dovetails nicely with that. I also saw my kidney doc for my usual six month follow up visit. 

Bad news: I am up 5lbs (and I don't mean the 5-7 lb "vacillation" I have been struggling with, but 5 MORE pounds on top of that), so I'm up 10-12 lbs over where I want to be.

Good news: I think I may have tinkered my supplements enough where my diastolic bp has been trending towards a consistent /70 for the last 2 months. 

I also suspect the combination of anti-oxidants I have been on is too much, and maybe SOME of the pain I am experiencing might be a pro-inflammatory response, so I'm dialing things back a bit and waiting and seeing if it has an impact.

6/18 I have three appointments scheduled. First up will be the follow-up visit with the rheumatologist. 2nd appt of the day will be a consultation with the ortho who replaced my kidney doc's knee. 3rd appt will be my first appt with who I hope to be my new endocrinologist. Lots going on that day. 

Struggling to move, stay motivated, and trying not to let my anxiety and depression get the better of me. I don't have time to hold anyone else's hand/s these days, and even less patience to put up with some folks who are so self-unaware to realize they've been shitty disappointing friends. I get it, I've got a lot of issues, and I'm working towards changing that, but if I've said "I'm so depressed at the idea of a possible fibromyalgia diagnosis" and you, yourself have fibro, and you do not reply to that text on your phone (yet the day before, your text to me would rival War and Peace in length--and yet you claim you did respond--yet none was received on my end), I have nothing more to give. And this is the nicest way I could put this. I'm not going to get into it further. 

Kaizen: Day 50 (PS)

As I mentioned in my previous post, my biking has improved my stamina, but not much else that I can see on the surface. I had high hopes it would help my daily pain issues. But progress is taking different forms in revealing itself. First, improved stamina. And second, apparently, it's shaved about 18 points off my systolic blood pressure. My norm hovers around 138/80 or 140/90, and my bp for the last two readings at the doctor have been 120/80. Now IF ONLY I can get that pesky 80 down to a 70, I'd be satisfied.

Kaizen: Day 50

Struggling with depression and pain (STILL, I know), and thought I'd give myself today to sleep in a bit (45 extra minutes) and blow off the bike.

I got up at 7:30, and when I realized Maharajah was working from home today, I realized that I could manage my 30 minutes on the bike before getting myself ready for work. 

I cannot tell, does this mean it is now an ingrained behavior and habit?

I convinced myself I need it at least for helping with my circulation. And I knocked it out, no problem. 

But I'm still fucking depressed and despairing, and an upcoming vacation isn't enough to turn that around (newsflash: it NEVER is enough to turn things around). The sun and change of scenery will be nice, but right now it's too abstract for me to process or even anticipate.

No call or email from surgeon at NYU Langone yet. And I checked my email (the one I use for such purposes), and it's devoid of any replies regarding the resumes I sent out earlier this week.

During my session with my therapist yesterday, he and I both agreed that all things considered, I am "managing well" in spite of the setback of not getting the job, and no real resolution to the pain issues.

27 More days until I have the day of EPIC APPOINTMENTS (rheumatology consult, my nephrology check up, and the endocrinology consult). Was hoping to round things out with a consult with the surgeon.

Hurry up and wait.

Kaizen: Day 48

I have been maintaining 30 minutes on the bike every morning for several weeks (almost a full month now), and I am contemplating concluding each work day with another 30 minutes. Maybe that will happen at some point this week, I don't know. 

I'm more than a bit ambivalent with a lot of things right about now, primarily due to me daring to HOPE that the job interview would have led to a job. They let me sit and stew for four weeks and let me know this past Friday that I didn't get the job. Yesterday was yet another indication of how shitty this place is, and how I desperately need to get the fuck out of here, and yet, me and my shitty knees and pain problems intimidates me into thinking I cannot manage the subway stairs every day.

I was in Manhattan on Saturday, escorting the daughter and son-in-law of a dear friend around town. We went from Times Square where their hotel is, took the shuttle to Grand Central, then the 6 down to Little India, where we had lunch and did a bit of shopping, then Uber'd it down to China town and Little Italy for another knosh and coffee and pastries and Malaysian beef jerky shopping, and before I knew it, I had amassed 11,210 foot steps. I was going to share the screen cap of the fitness thingy from my phone, but I can't upload images to the blog ATM.

So while I have felt all along that the biking was not helping me in my day to day pains, apparently it has helped me in other ways, namely my ability to walk A LOT, and the next day was just like any other day for me. This is not to say I was pain free; however, I wasn't crippled up with ADDITIONAL pain, meaning MORE pain on top of my status quo baseline of pain.

I called NYU Langone this week to find out about scheduling a consultation with the surgeon who performed the knee surgery on my nephrologist. I sent them my imaging bundle of my lower extremities, and I should know, hopefully, by tomorrow if I can have a consult with that surgeon or if he will refer me to an associate. And while on the surface it might not seem like my knee problems are extreme enough to warrant a knee replacement RIGHT NOW, I am having horrible difficulties climbing the scant 15 stairs to get into my house, and couple that up with the IT band syndrome and the trochanteric bursitis in my hip (all on the right side), I am finding I am able to do less and less, and I fear that it will continue to self-perpetuate. 

Additionally, I am convinced the collection of pain issues is limiting my mobility and the things I choose to do, and is most likely the reason why I am unable to lose more weight, as well as having difficulties maintaining whatever I've lost as well.

Kaizen: Day 30

I think I am close to convincing myself that I have actually managed to establish riding my bike as a HABIT. Perhaps a bit more into this, and maybe I'll be confident of it. Leopards can't change their spots, and I am depressed and lazy and would rather do NOTHING, but that's not a choice I want to make.

That all being said, after roughly about a week of sustaining the 30 minute mark, and perhaps it's premature to expect greater things, but whomever said that exercising helps with pain management etc, is full of horse shit. My knees continue to hurt as much as they always ever have, and the tightness with the IT band syndrome, and my low back pain has not changed even in the slightest.

That all said, I'll stay the course, and try to get more consistent with giving myself an additional five minutes after biking for me to elevate my legs to help with blood flow, oxygenation, etc. Also, I am now hoping the biking regularly will help me get in front of the borderline left ventricular hypertrophy, which has me bugging out right about now.

I started the P5P supplement a few days ago, and I will have about a month of use before I see the nephrologist next month. Perhaps it will help? Who knows. I'll formulate some questions for that session, too. 

I got my report back from the thyroid ultrasound and my Pink Unicorn isn't going to send me in for a FNA; however, I think maybe I might end up needing a endocrinologist--but perhaps will set that up next year. Perhaps. I'm done obsessing, and yet at the same time, I want to be proactive. 

Kaizen: Day 28

I'm still chipping away at it. Have consistently done 30 minutes on the bike every day this past week, and a few days therein, I made attempts at incorporating an additional 5 minutes where I am elevating my legs after riding my bike, to help with blood flow etc.

This morning, I got absorbed in replying to a lengthy email, and rather than do 30 minutes, I ended up doing 53 minutes. I don't know if this will be a daily thing, or if I'll eventually work up to 45 minutes consistently, but 53 minutes happened today. Plus, I elevated my legs (and didn't have my timer on hand, so I counted to 100 as I elevated my legs).

Now, regarding doing Kaizen for my sleep hygiene--I haven't gotten control of that yet. I've been sleeping in my spare room, so as to have uninterrupted sleep, whenever I finally do manage to drag myself to bed. And at least once this week, I sprayed some "magnesium oil" on my knees and elbows and rubbed it in before bed, as it helps to relax me. 

Still chipping away. And I'm even doing Kaizen progress on other things: My annual organizing/purging of household stuff, as well as refurbishing a pair of sandals to possibly get one more spring/summer's use out of them.

KAIZEN ALL THE THINGS!

Kaizen: Day 22 (30 Minutes!)

Last night, I failed at getting to bed around 11. Instead, I stayed up, such as it was, nodding off in front of the t.v. until close to 1 a.m., and then toddled off to bed. At least I went to bed in the spare room, so at least I'd have an uninterrupted sleep experience. Tonight I'll do better. The Murphy bed is already down, so it's a matter of setting a timer, and doing certain things to prepare me for bed. Perhaps I'll crochet a bit to relax. It's been a while since I've hooked.

This morning, Maharajah decided to work from home, so that changes my morning routine and gives me more time for me and my Kaizen experiment. I managed to not only ride the recumbent bike for THIRTY MINUTES, but I also gave myself an additional five minutes, and elevated my legs to help with blood flow (and get some fresh blood back in my legs when I stand back up.

I've also decided to make a few tweaks to my daily dietary supplement line up, too. I've ordered up some (30 mg) zinc glycinate gel caps, and some "P5P" pyridoxal-5-phosphate to take instead of my pyroxidine caps--P5P is a more bio-available form of vitamin B6, and I am hoping it will help me with this pesky proteinuria situation. And since that capsule has about 100 mg of magnesium in them (and I plan on taking 2 a day), I'm going to discontinue taking a separate 400 mg magnesium capsule--and I hope that lowering the magnesium will also make an impact. The supplements arrive by 3/31, and it will give me close to two months of dosing before I see my kidney guy for my 6 month check up. 

I am hoping with these supplement tweaks, as well as the Quercetin I started taking a while back, will be just the thing to disturb and change the uric acid & proteinuria problem. My numbers in my blood tests might be "holding steady," as my kidney guy says, but given the "borderline left ventricular hypertrophy" on that TTE from last week, I am now back to being terrorized/traumatized by the idea that no matter how vigilant or compliant I am, there's only so much I can do and my body and family's health legacy will fight me every fucking step of the way.

My body continues to be a cantankerous asshole, and I am still not on speaking terms with it. 

Kaizen: Day 21

Last night was PT, so I did my usual 10 minutes on the "stepper."

This morning it was a bit tight for time, but I managed 15 minutes on my bike.

I had my usual bi-weekly session with my therapist today and I ran him through everything for the last week: Colonoscopy, TTE, Job Interview, Snow Storm, slip sliding into the abyss, bringing us to today.

By the time I speak with my therapist again in two weeks, I should know something about the job interview. And already I'm thinking of possible questions to ask and demands to make, if their response is YES WE WANT TO HIRE YOU. If they don't want to hire me, things are much more straightforward: I will stay the course, get my knee replaced, and resume my job hunt after recovery. 

In the interim, I am going to try to focus on the two things I want to change:

1. Continue chipping away at trying to get more active (i.e. using my bike) every day; and
2. Try to get into a decent sleep hygeine habit to improve my sleep.

My therapist quipped that if/when I find the "magic" to make the sleep happen, let him know. My riposte was that perhaps we both should be accountable to each other and work on this together.

Right now, I'm reading up on sleep hygiene, and I'm going to come up with a formula that might work with my personality, habits, household, etc, and get myself on a schedule. 

Kaizen: Day 20

I was tooling along nicely, I thought, for a while, up until Monday, the 19th--and things kind of fell apart last week.

Monday the 19th, I endured both, a colonoscopy, and a trans thoracic echocardiogram.

Tuesday, while still feeling illish from Monday's festivities, I went for a job interview. And the physicality involved in taking the train and subway AND STAIRS (not to mention the stress of LIKE ME, PLEASE LIKE ME, that interviews invoke), I was fried.

Wednesday brought with it, yet one MORE snow storm (Hey! It's SUPPOSED to be Spring!).

Thursday and Friday were more of the same lack of Kaizen. No physical therapy on Saturday. And Sunday, at least provided about 3,000 footsteps.

Monday (yesterday), still no bike time. 

Today, Tuesday, I'll be at physical therapy tonight (this was the appointment that was supposed to be on Saturday).

So the Wednesday that was highlighted, I highlighted for a reason. Early in the morning, I was showering up and getting ready to go to work (despite the snow). And my therapist called, thinking it was a regular appointment; however, we spoke the week before and we weren't due for another session until THIS WEEK. 

We got off the phone once he realized his mistake; however, it's odd how the remainder of my week played out, physical stress from the colonoscopy (the prep was tough, but good that they evicted Pepito my Polyp, and he turned out to be benign), and from the trans thoracic echocardiogram I am "borderline" for left ventricular hypertrophy--the knowledge of THIS stresses me out and I hope to have a conversation with my kidney guy regarding seeing if we can get a little more aggressive with my medications to get in front of this before it turns into a THING.   Then there's the emotional stress that the interview brought on, and a lot of negative self-speak going on, and I'm wondering if I even WANT that job now if they even make an offer. Turns out, as the week went on, I really needed to talk to him. So I have to hold my water, so to speak, until tomorrow morning. 

And regarding the job interview? I should hear something in about 2 more weeks. 

My own game plan regarding my health and Kaizen is the same, and tonight I get a pass as I"m going to the physical therapist tonight and will be on the cross trainer there. So, I need to hydrate more, keep moving, keep trying the Kaizen until getting on my bike is a habit, and maybe elevate my legs at the end of the day. I WAS contemplating tweaking my supplements one more time and perhaps taking more magnesium--but I need to read more about it, and once I am convinced I won't be negatively impacting my kidneys, I'll act. I started reading up on magnesium and it looks like it could help so much regarding the LVH, as well as my on going proteinuria and uric acid issues, but if it is too much for my kidneys to handle, I need to be very conservative, as I'm currently on 400 mg daily anyway.

 

Kaizen: Day 11

Progress is being made, incrementally, as is my plan.

Where we left off LAST Friday, I did 10 minutes in the morning and blew off my evening Kaizen bike session. The last week has gone thusly:

Saturday:
10 min on bike at Physical Therapy

Sunday: No bike as I went out with my sister.

Monday:
10 min in morning
No bike in evening

Tuesday: No bike 

Wednesday:
7 min on bike in morning (short on time, therapy session in morning before work)

Thursday:
10 min on bike in morning
No bike in evening

Friday: 
15 min on bike in morning

Saturday: 
10 min on bike at Physical Therapy
No bike in evening

Sunday (Today):
30 min on bike in morning

The goal here is twofold: 1. The exercise of course, and; 2. making the exercise a HABIT. I remain unconvinced that I am at the "habit" stage of this process as I still have that internal struggle with myself to just set a few moments of my day aside to work on this. Afterall, HOW MUCH TIME do I waste on any given day?  PLENTY, and rarely is that time devoted directly towards improving my health?

Today I will probably be either spending the day either curled up in a ball (unlikely, though part of my brain wants that) or doing a lot of puttering to distract myself from colonoscopy prep today. I ate breakfast, and now it's 24 hours from the time I have to show up for the colonoscopy. And I'm not necessarily well-prepared for day's activity (subtext: COLON BLOW) beyond getting the Rx laxative solution. And even though I DO have a print out of instructions from the gastroenterologist, I still found the wording vague, and perhaps they should condense it all on one page and give you a 24 hour timeline. Just a thought. I'm already starting to get a stress headache around my ears ALREADY, just at the thought of everything. But the sun is shining and looks like it'll be a good day, albeit weather-wise.

I am scheduled out of the office tomorrow, with a 9:30 report time for the colonoscopy, and a 1 p.m. TTE (trans thoracic echocardiogram) scheduled for 1 p.m. And laundry pick up will happen therabouts, and lunch, and it looks like a full day.

Tuesday I may/may not call out sick, as I have one appointment tentatively set, and once I get the time and location, I will then call another recruiter who called about another job (same company) and see if I can push along/coerce/convince them to try to book the second interview the same day. If I am going to have an anxiety attack about taking a sick day the day after a scheduled absence, I might as well make exceptional use of my time.

Unlike the Kaizen bike bit, which is all MY INFLUENCE, this Kaizen regarding chipping away at finding myself another job is pretty much entirely out of my control; however, I am grateful that I am getting a lot of interest at least in my resume and phone interviews--the latter of which I can hide behind the phone and hide my Bitchy Resting Face, which can be intimidating or perhaps convey messages I don't want to convey during a job interview.

But that is something for me to worry about for Tuesday. Today I can only live in the moment, even if that means I'll be living in my bathroom for the better part of this evening.  Ugh. 

Daily Kaizen: Day #5

THURSDAY
Morning: 5 min
Evening: 5 min

FRIDAY:
Morning: 5 min
Evening: 0

SATURDAY:
Physical therapy appt: 10 min

SUNDAY:
Morning: 0
Evening: 0

MONDAY (Today)
Morning: 10 min

SUPPLEMENT TWEAKS:

Discontinued digestive enzymes I resumed in January after my trip. Blood glucose was running a bit high. Decided to reincorporate CLA into my daily mix of supplements. 

Yet another article regarding Kaizen. 

So, if I were to LITERALLY make 1% improvement daily, and a day = 86400 seconds, I'd have to dedicate LITERALLY 1% of my day, 14.4 minutes to work towards that daily improvement.

Thoughts, Words, Deeds, Habits

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.

― Mahatma Gandhi 

I've been on the fence for TOO LONG (YEARS in fact!) when it comes to exercise. Being in constant pain from an assortment of issues does not help. More activity = more pain. And that is where the entire THOUGHT of exercise begins and ends. It hurts too much. And if that weren't enough, I detest sweating.

I'll be 50 in August, so there's only so much longer (which is to say NOT AT ALL!) I can continue to blame my parents and the poor examples they've set for me about how to "adult." But what to do? 

Currently I've been going for acupuncture, in addition to my regular chiropractic and physical therapy and massage appointments. I decided today to get back on my protein shakes in the morning (instead of waiting for the afternoon--and some days I forget or decide not to have my shake). And UGH, I need to try to hydrate myself more sufficiently, as this no doubt is impacting a lot of things from my blood work being skewed a bit, or my kidneys not flushing out the things it should flush out.

Let it be known: This morning, I decided to have a different approach to exercise, or at least in the ESTABLISHING of a HABIT of exercise. 

I've decided to emulate Kimmy Schmidt with her 10 seconds at a time approach to pain or difficulty:

I've actually used that philosophy at times, give myself a moment, breathe, and ten seconds later, lather-rinse-repeat if necessary. 

Somewhere along the way, I saved an article about Kaizen (the definition of which is "slow, continuous improvement," and I even found some other articles (i.e.) devoted to applying Kaizen in small increments of time, to work towards fulfilling goals. I might not know much about the process, but at its core is making small, manageable changes or sustainable progress towards a goal. 

I have a very short list of what I want to work on in my life: 

1. Exercise more.
2. Find a new job.

Both of these two goals involve tedious work, but if I just "keep at it," chipping away at it daily/weekly, eventually I'll meet my goals. 

In the case of the exercise, I just associate so much unpleasantness along with it, but the reality is, the more I put it off, the less active I am, and the less active I am, the more problems I will have to deal with later as a result. So it's imperative I work at it NOW.

So, this morning, while my coffee was brewing, I hopped on my recumbent bike for five minutes. Five minutes seems a laughable duration. Rome wasn't built in a day. And I know if I push myself by a longer duration or by increasing the resistance on the bike, I know I'll hurt more tonight or tomorrow, and thereby make it more likely I won't get on the bike again any time soon. 

(Full disclaimer: After five minutes on the bike, I also did some stretching with my resistance band and  about 10 pumps on my Thigh Master. Baby steppin'!)

(God I hated "What About Bob," but the one thing they got RIGHT in that flick was the simple idea of baby steps.)


Tonight, I hope to repeat this action, hop on the bike, and ride for 5 minutes. Heck, I might end up riding longer, as I think that watching a TEDTalk while riding my bike, might make the time go quicker, and in the process, I'll be pumping some useful information into my brain.  I enjoy TEDTalks, so perhaps I can end up looking forward to my "5 minutes here, 5 minutes there" routine and sustain it for a while, and hopefully it will become second nature to me and I won't view it as such a chore. PERHAPS. It's a theory at least. Perhaps I can start and end my day with a TEDTalk and bike routine. Let's see how I do tonight with watching the TEDTalk while I bike--I didn't think of "baiting the hook" with a nice reward for WHILE biking. I just thought of this idea just now.

I'm thinking it, and speaking it, and hopefully my words become actions, and my actions become HABIT.  The more active I become now, hopefully will equate to a quicker recovery time when I finally get my knee replacement (later this year). 

My overall objective is to make my NEXT 50 years be the BEST years. Let's just see how tonight goes.