Poo in Review

Held hostage today in the handicapped restroom.

Had to manually disimpact to free myself from my captor's clutches.

Note to self: get disposable rubber gloves and keep in desk at work.

PS: Also get stool softener, and stop living in denial that you need it.

Things I'm Tolerating Thus Far (5 Weeks Out)

All meats & fish (except for whole cuts of meat; haven't tried steaks yet);
Grapes (w/skins)
Apples (w/out skins)
Bread
Butter
Crackers
Almonds

Eggs, however, sit in my pouch like a lead ball.

The Poop Report

This is my last Poop Report until such time it changes:

It's not a fluke. I REPEAT. It's not a fluke. It's a trend. I'm regular again. Maven: 1; Impaction: 0.

Here endeth the Poop Report.
#itonlytookfiveweeks

Open Letter to My Colon

Open Letter to My Bung:

Wait a cotton pickin’ minute. Srsly.

A BM yesterday? A BM today? Doesn’t take much to please me these days. Pls don’t lead me on and let me down tomorrow. I’d rather cut off a pinky toe (with polish!) rather than go one more week of unpreditable, paining, straining ahem “activity.”

Colo-rectally yours,
Maven
________________

Today was the 5 week post-op visit w/the surgeon. All went well. Only a miserable .5# lost since the 3 week visit. He told me not to get hung up on it, and that plateaus happen. Next visit: April 19th.

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

Dear Colon,

It's not me, it's you. Something's gotta give, and by "something," I really mean YOU, and by "give," I mean a regularly occurring bowel movement which involves neither strain nor pain, and doesn't leave me wondering if I need to go to the ER.

It was fun while it lasted, (FOUR WHOLE WEEKS)but really, your behavior is just "asking" for it.

Yours in firey rectal revenge,
Me.