Dear Colon,
It's not me, it's you. Something's gotta give, and by "something," I really mean YOU, and by "give," I mean a regularly occurring bowel movement which involves neither strain nor pain, and doesn't leave me wondering if I need to go to the ER.
It was fun while it lasted, (FOUR WHOLE WEEKS)but really, your behavior is just "asking" for it.
Yours in firey rectal revenge,
Me.
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