Tired of Being Tired

Tired of being tired.

Which is to say, I'm also tired of being "compliant."

I feel so un-refreshed, it's amazing I can function. Amazing how the brainstem continues plodding along, functioning when the rest of me feels like giving up physically.

It's not so much depression talking. I walk around feeling so fatigued, like something inside me is knotted up and blocked, preventing a flow of energy, I suppose oxygen. I feel like I am slowly choking, and alternately having the marrow in my bones slowly slurped out with a Crazy Straw.

No amount of sleep nor caffeine is changing this.

Last night and the night before, I cut back my topamax from 50 to 25, just to see if there will be a change. I'm not taking this for seizures, but for migraines, so I don't see the harm. The neuro wanted to try and cut me back last month, and I held out, thinking I haven't even started really benefitting from the "appetite suppression" aspect of it, so I figured I'd hold out a little while longer to see if I can dump off any more weight--since the ReproEndo guy wanted me on this for that exact reason, not for my migraines, even though that is why I went to the neuro in the first place.

My migraines were debilitating. I was losing not just a day or two of work a month due to them; I was losing a day or two of my life each month as a result. Being overweight might be debilitating in the long run, but not on this very tangible level.

So last night I rolled up a heating pad and stuck it in the nape of my neck, right where my "bulge" of my herniation is. I've spent far too much time doing transcription work and too much time farting around online. The heat took effect immediately. That "knot" I mentioned above shifted a littled.

So this morning I woke up in not-so-much-of-a-haze as I normally do, and spent the time it takes the husband to shower, tractioning my neck on my foam wedge for that purpose.

The result of all this?

My right eye isn't drooping like it was, and I feel like I am on the path back to the "Land of the Living," or some facsimile thereof.

I think.

But it wouldn't be the first time my judgement has sucked hairy hobo taint.