Perspective
is everything. One of my assorted syndromes right now: Proteinuric
hypertension = pre-eclampsia (if I were pregnant), which by extension =
ZOMG EMERGENCY SRS BIZNESS BABBY ON BOARD! Proteinuric hypertension for a
non-pregnant person doesn't seem to muster up enough ZOMG! Yeah, gee.
My head hurts like a mother effer and I worry daily if I'll have a stroke and won't be able to wipe my own butt, but screw me for not having a BABBY ON BOARD! Not feeling sorry for myself, merely illustrating the schism of care (as well as overall give-a-fuck) from folks medical or non. Power through I shall. Even if it means powering through on a second by second, molecule by molecule basis.
And while I do recognize that there is a physiological difference between a pregnant woman vs a non-pregnant woman, I can honestly say it sucks to have the identical syndrome, yet receive no real urgent type care for this.
Advice from friends is nice, especially from friends within the medical profession. However, when those same friends dispense the clinical information (which I already knew, thanks to Dr. Google) and those same people actually have at a minimum ONE CHILD (or more), and no acknowledgment of the grief (yes, grief, infertility, and for me now, the certainty I shall never have a child of my own flesh and blood EVER), it just perpetuates the divide, the herd thusly: "Us" vs "Them," meaning breeder vs non-breeder.
I'm sure I'll eventually get to the point of accepting this. Eventually. And I suppose until I officially hit menopause, acceptance will be slow coming. So, it IS unintentionally callous, along the lines of someone saying to a grieving widow that the death of her husband is nothing compared to the loss of a child. Loss is loss. Grief is grief. As I've said before, this is a loss, a grief, for which no one else knows the right thing to say, except, save for someone who's trod along this path themselves.
And the medical nutshell version of this scenario is:
While I have the same syndrome that would be Dx'd as someone who is pregnant (proteinuric hypertension), as of this moment, it's idiopathic, no known cause, and we're rooting out possibilities which range from "nephrotic syndrome (which scares the piss out of me--literally and figuratively) to Cushings, to a pheochromocytoma, to who-knows-what-else. While I may not be pregnant, the notion of staring down the barrel of a shotgun "loaded for bear" with the possibility of eventual kidney failure and DIALYSIS, scares the fuck out of me. The notion of having a stroke, scares the fuck out of me. So really, pointing out why it's a more dire Dx for a pregnant woman vs a non-pregnant woman is really a moot point, and only makes me relive my existential loss all over again.
My head hurts like a mother effer and I worry daily if I'll have a stroke and won't be able to wipe my own butt, but screw me for not having a BABBY ON BOARD! Not feeling sorry for myself, merely illustrating the schism of care (as well as overall give-a-fuck) from folks medical or non. Power through I shall. Even if it means powering through on a second by second, molecule by molecule basis.
And while I do recognize that there is a physiological difference between a pregnant woman vs a non-pregnant woman, I can honestly say it sucks to have the identical syndrome, yet receive no real urgent type care for this.
Advice from friends is nice, especially from friends within the medical profession. However, when those same friends dispense the clinical information (which I already knew, thanks to Dr. Google) and those same people actually have at a minimum ONE CHILD (or more), and no acknowledgment of the grief (yes, grief, infertility, and for me now, the certainty I shall never have a child of my own flesh and blood EVER), it just perpetuates the divide, the herd thusly: "Us" vs "Them," meaning breeder vs non-breeder.
I'm sure I'll eventually get to the point of accepting this. Eventually. And I suppose until I officially hit menopause, acceptance will be slow coming. So, it IS unintentionally callous, along the lines of someone saying to a grieving widow that the death of her husband is nothing compared to the loss of a child. Loss is loss. Grief is grief. As I've said before, this is a loss, a grief, for which no one else knows the right thing to say, except, save for someone who's trod along this path themselves.
And the medical nutshell version of this scenario is:
While I have the same syndrome that would be Dx'd as someone who is pregnant (proteinuric hypertension), as of this moment, it's idiopathic, no known cause, and we're rooting out possibilities which range from "nephrotic syndrome (which scares the piss out of me--literally and figuratively) to Cushings, to a pheochromocytoma, to who-knows-what-else. While I may not be pregnant, the notion of staring down the barrel of a shotgun "loaded for bear" with the possibility of eventual kidney failure and DIALYSIS, scares the fuck out of me. The notion of having a stroke, scares the fuck out of me. So really, pointing out why it's a more dire Dx for a pregnant woman vs a non-pregnant woman is really a moot point, and only makes me relive my existential loss all over again.
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