Trying to Make Some Sense of This

Let's face it, I journal on this blog pretty much for my own record keeping, and perhaps to share my experiences with friends who might have some of the same or similar issues etc. 

So, pretty much, if you're here, you're considered a friend; and if you're here, it's because I pointed you in the direction of this blog. I invited you here.

So this blog is pretty personal--even if I am using a nom de plume. 

I want to make the analogy of it being a virtual cocktail party where I've invited you; however, in reality, I have unlocked my diary, and allowed you to read my inner-most thoughts.

I feel oddly in a position to explain the title of the blog, which comes full circle back to me explaining myself. Which, is--in a word, off-putting. 

I'm not going to change the name of my blog to suit a particular audience, by the way. Why? Because it would negate my experiences. My experiences of being judged or seen as invisible because I am fat or now in my 50s, or because I have valid complaints and known issues (of which I'm seeking out solutions). Additionally, as a child of a mother with borderline personality disorder, I've gone my entire life simply not being heard. Me, my thoughts, my needs, etc, have never been deemed as having value.

I could expand on this, but why should I when someone (who obviously), without reading the content of my blog posts, decides to critique the name and tone of my blog title?

Little did this person realize that they are participating in the very thing which I have fought my entire life against. It is about as ridiculous as me screaming "Fire!" in a crowded movie theater, and having someone critique the T-shirt I'm wearing that says "I'm with stupid." 

This is where I remind myself that not everyone who is "friendly" is an actual friend. Sure--some are friendly acquaintances--if that--but most are passers-by. And if you've read far enough into my blog and its archives, I have a flow chart of sorts in my head--and beneath each person's name are two potential options: 1. Twinkie? 2. Dairy product? 

All I know is a friend wouldn't (or shouldn't) start with criticisms, when someone has trusted you enough to share their inner-most personal thoughts and struggles.

I doubt the critic will revisit my blog, knowing what a negative vibe they got just from the title--and that's okay; however, if they do revisit, and they decide to read this post, they are cordially invited to think critically for a hot second and realize that not every opinion needs to be elucidated. This, I think, is a by-product of social media, that sense of narcissism of "Omg! I need to express all of my opinions, all the time, even on the FB walls, Twitter feeds, or blog posts of everyone I know!" 

Yes yes, your grandmother was right: "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all." I'll expand on that further with a chestnut I crafted myself, "If you have nothing loving or supportive to say--I'll gladly accept your silence."

This is my blog, my prerogative; just like I have censored myself countless times elsewhere on the internet because, quite frankly, I know my thoughts and opinions aren't welcome 100% of the time with 100% of audiences. But see? Right there? It's called awareness.

Here endeth the sermon.