I don't "get" the whole "why won't she talk to me about how or why she doesn't want to talk to me anymore" bit.
Obviously, my focus is on me and my health. I don't expect most folks to understand where I'm coming from. I mean, really, who REALLY knows any of us? It's presumptuous to reduce the entirety of who someone really is (isn't it?). While I do appreciate folks who do speak their mind, and I don't much prefer folks to blow smoke up my ass, there IS something to be said about finesse, and even more to be said and appreciated about knowing when to just STFU.
A good lot of communication is equal parts listening, equal parts talking, and equal parts knowing when to just STFU. Like I said, "finesse."
So I find it amusing (or ironic, or sad, or obtuse, or grotesque, even) when after the "don't go away mad, just go away" has been uttered, that any reply is even necessary or warranted, much less a reply which pretty much marginalizes, dismisses or mocks the fact I was offended. Again, in active, actual physical pain here, emotional pain and existential pain aside. So yeah, it's intellectually lazy to vilify me for having standards of what I'm willing to tolerate in life, online or IRL.
She said what she said.
I said what I said.
We obviously are philosophically opposed to what either has said.
It's not my job to provide "home training" regarding what IS finesse exactly, and how does one actually ... FINESSE. I've got other shit to deal with.
Ultimately, the result would have been the same, whether I used my "big girl words" or not, being, one of us was going to end up being offended. So she offended me w/being so blunt, and I offended her by pulling back. And yet, the diatribes continue. The time to have been so concerned about the "slow fade" as I call it, was when I was actively pulling back, letting the situation (and her, I suppose) do the slow fade to black, into obscurity, before the Great Unfriending happened; however, no comment or acknowledgement was made during the 10 days of near radio silence.
Make no mistake, this was not passive aggression on my part. My decision to unfriend was aggressive. I thought about it for ten days. Yet, her hostile vaguely veiled status updates, which could have been about me, or someone else, who knows... passive aggressive comments left on friends' status updates, not to mention posting on a knitting site about the situation, comically playing the martyr at my expense.
This entire experience has been useful for me. Truly. Reminds me of how or why I ordinarily DO have a personal policy about not actively cultivating friendships with folks who are under the age of 30, as I think there's not much that either side can relate to the other. Very useful to know who has the sensitivity to render any adequate support. That's cool. I can manage.
I'm not even angry. It's just very matter-of-fact at this point. Similarly, I've unfriended my own family members and viewed it in the same vein as when I did DIY surgery on my own plantars wart: to remove annoyance and additional pain in the future. I have no time for anger, as it just blurs my focus.
She's not a friend if she expresses her opinion, and I express my hurt and she MOCKS me for it. That is NOT my definition a friend. That's my bottom line.
Every person is entitled to live their lives as they see fit. I try not to judge the choices of others. Live and let live. The only person I am accountable to or for, is ME. Mindful and trying to be kind, but at my core, my primary concern, my primary focus is ME.
Not every single opinion needs to be shared every second. Perhaps that's something that comes with age. I don't know. All I know is that my focus is on my health, managing my pain, possibly explore the idea of conceiving a child before it's too late, and of course, grappling with the obvious, which is totally lost on some folks: my own mortality, and the consequences of every single decision I make for the rest of the year.
I stand firm to my decision to back away and focus my energies on myself, and surround myself with folks who are truly supportive of me and what I'm going through. No sympathy ploy here. I don't need to be validated by and large by nameless, faceless folks on the internet, much less have a child dispense life advice to me, or make me feel like I am in a position where I have to justify anything about my life, my health, or my life decisions to her.
A lady always knows when it's time to leave. So I left. End of discussion.
