Not really sure of what is the point of this blog post, but need to just purge it out of me so I can get on with my day. Harp harp harp, whine whine whine. Yeah. I'm going to bitch about my sister again.
While I don't "get" this alienation thing that's going on, and her passive-aggression vis-a-vis ignoring me, then saying something to mom about how I'm ignoring her, or better yet, her bitching about me (and my absence at family functions), I do understand, hey, life gets in the way. If I were a Type A with a child being cultivated to be Type A, had a job I hate (who doesn't?), had an ulcer, plus always over extending myself, yeah, I suppose I wouldn't have time to return a call or a text or an email or whatever.
Confused? Welcome to the club. So am I.
So imagine my "glee" when out of the blue, my cell phone rings last night, and of course, I didn't get to it fast enough to answer it (plus, let's be honest, the call came thru during the season premiere of Mad Men, enough said), when I realized the call I just missed was my sister. So yeah. Out of the blue. The only time I hear from her is on her terms, when she wants something from me. And the something in question is my presence at Easter dinner.
Yeah. That's what's got a bee in my bonnet as it were. I loathe making that drive to begin with. I loathe holiday parties with our family. They are too loud, rarely start on time, drag on forever, are focused primarily on food and snark, and I just am not up to it, physically or emotionally.
Harp harp harp, whine whine whine... yeah. And of course, the never-ending reminder of the void.
Why can't she call to make plans with ME, without a crowd, without an audience, without an agenda blah blah... early in the day on a SATURDAY, so I could either spend the day with her and go home during daylight hours, or sleep over and head home early Sunday a.m.?
Granted, I cannot control when Easter lands, and the obvious, that it always lands on a Sunday.
Granted, I cannot control my sister and her ambivalence about keeping in touch with me.
But I CAN control the circumstances around me, to a degree, by limiting my exposure to things that irritate, depress or anger me.
Perhaps I'd feel more inclined to make the effort to attend if the voicemail started with "Hey, how did the procedure go?" and then work up to Easter later on in the voicemail or perhaps during a follow up call. But it didn't. Yeah, I've got my judgey-pants on today. Hey, if I'm going to be vilified for avoiding family functions, I'll indulge a bit in it myself. I never hear from her. I've stopped trying to continue to forge or cultivate that relationship, as it's obvious how unbalanced and conditional it is. Yet, in my desire to try to do what is right for myself, philosophically and emotionally, I'm sure it has a cost, being a weirded out negative relationship with my niece.
Debating seriously about not going. It's just another Sunday to me anyway.
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