Most days, my skull is a bowl of alphabet soup, chock full of words forming haikus, prose, as well as other mundane observances and articulations; however, this morning, the soup bowl that is my noggin was full of nothing but a bevvy of Qs and Xs, insufficient to formulate even a basic idea of what I wanted to discuss with my analyst.
I felt like a sinner who is clearly slacking, going to confession without much truly worthwhile (or even sinful) to confess. Is this progress, or am I just too depressed to talk about (ad nauseum) the things that continue to chap my ass? Am I in denial? Or is this ACTUAL progress?
Everything is holding its own until mid-August when we do a crazy test on me. The Great Silence/my persona non-grata status continues without change. Work still sucks, but is a means to an end. I feel inert, yet not necessarily stagnating. I feel as if this MIGHT be progress, but I'm neither moving forward nor retreating backwards. What is this?
*ETA: I always viewed my therapy sessions as difficult to start, just like trying to peel an orange, it's always that first little bit that is tricky, but once you get started, it gets easier. Sadly, this must have been my subconscious self trying to tell me to find a new therapist.
I felt like a sinner who is clearly slacking, going to confession without much truly worthwhile (or even sinful) to confess. Is this progress, or am I just too depressed to talk about (ad nauseum) the things that continue to chap my ass? Am I in denial? Or is this ACTUAL progress?
Everything is holding its own until mid-August when we do a crazy test on me. The Great Silence/my persona non-grata status continues without change. Work still sucks, but is a means to an end. I feel inert, yet not necessarily stagnating. I feel as if this MIGHT be progress, but I'm neither moving forward nor retreating backwards. What is this?
*ETA: I always viewed my therapy sessions as difficult to start, just like trying to peel an orange, it's always that first little bit that is tricky, but once you get started, it gets easier. Sadly, this must have been my subconscious self trying to tell me to find a new therapist.
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