And I doubt it heavily, whether anyone reads this blog, though I DO blog for my own self, purposes and record keeping...
I am becoming increasingly more depressed.
Between the ongoing pain issues that won't resolve themselves fully, and dealing with some family bullshit head on, and everything else I listed in my litany yesterday about how my August has been off-kilter, I'm depressed.
I ditched Facebook finally last month, and that has cut down/damn near eliminated my online socializing completely. So rather than feeling shitty about seeing friends interacting with other people and not responding to message I've sent them, I now am feeling shitty about the void, the abyss, the abject lack of give a fuck by people I considered friends.
I updated my contact list before ditching FB, and I am actually going to identify which people I remain in contact with, and adjust myself and my expectations accordingly.
Surely, I expect too much from people. This is the far better thing to think rather than to think that so many people were just superficial/casual acquaintances (with 1-2 shared common interests) rather than actual friends.
This isn't a boo hoo attempt at attention whoring. I am physically and emotionally drained, so everything else gets analyzed and perhaps exaggerated a bit as a result.
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
Monday, August 27, 2018
Kaizen: Day 173
Maintaining 30 minutes on the bike daily. Though for a while there, I was setting an alarm to get up by 5:55 every day, and was knocking out an hour a day, Monday-Friday. Then I dropped down to Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
For the last few weeks I've been very flat, perhaps even depressed. Of the litany of reasons why my mood is bottoming out might be:
1. August's heat and humidity.
2. Spending the majority of the month without my co-worker who sits closest to me (who is the first person I see daily and is a very positive person).
3. I have been on Jury duty for the last few weeks.
4. I told off a petty, trouble-making relative.
5. I turned 50 this month.
6. Or it might be a combination of these things.
Also worth mentioning, that for the entire month of August, my physical therapy appointments which normally are on Saturday mornings, had to be moved to Tuesday nights this month, because my physical therapist isn't available--and this really threw a monkey wrench into the structure of my Saturdays, as my physical therapy appointments were the catalyst to get me out of the house, and into motion do do doing things. So my whole routine has been off, and I just feel wiped out.
I haven't done anything towards improving my sleep hygiene, and I'm still struggling to get out of bed in the morning, and by extension, this is impacting how much time I get on the bike. Plus, we've had a few cool evenings, which makes it great sleeping weather, so once I finally DO drop off, the last thing I want to do is get out of bed.
This weekend, I didn't bother getting on the bike at all, so I absolutely had to make an attempt today, otherwise, I was fearful of backsliding completely.
I'm keeping up with all my supplementation and self-care.
Physical therapy tomorrow, and chiropractic on Thursday. Beyond this, nothing new to report.
*Note: Physical therapy never happened. This therapist became increasingly more difficult to schedule appointments with. His unavailability was part of a greater cascade of events which have actually added to my pain, anxiety, and depression issues.
For the last few weeks I've been very flat, perhaps even depressed. Of the litany of reasons why my mood is bottoming out might be:
1. August's heat and humidity.
2. Spending the majority of the month without my co-worker who sits closest to me (who is the first person I see daily and is a very positive person).
3. I have been on Jury duty for the last few weeks.
4. I told off a petty, trouble-making relative.
5. I turned 50 this month.
6. Or it might be a combination of these things.
Also worth mentioning, that for the entire month of August, my physical therapy appointments which normally are on Saturday mornings, had to be moved to Tuesday nights this month, because my physical therapist isn't available--and this really threw a monkey wrench into the structure of my Saturdays, as my physical therapy appointments were the catalyst to get me out of the house, and into motion do do doing things. So my whole routine has been off, and I just feel wiped out.
I haven't done anything towards improving my sleep hygiene, and I'm still struggling to get out of bed in the morning, and by extension, this is impacting how much time I get on the bike. Plus, we've had a few cool evenings, which makes it great sleeping weather, so once I finally DO drop off, the last thing I want to do is get out of bed.
This weekend, I didn't bother getting on the bike at all, so I absolutely had to make an attempt today, otherwise, I was fearful of backsliding completely.
I'm keeping up with all my supplementation and self-care.
Physical therapy tomorrow, and chiropractic on Thursday. Beyond this, nothing new to report.
*Note: Physical therapy never happened. This therapist became increasingly more difficult to schedule appointments with. His unavailability was part of a greater cascade of events which have actually added to my pain, anxiety, and depression issues.
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