Struggling.

You know I'm struggling when/if I say I broke down and allowed myself to get not one, but two cortisone shots in the last 6-8 weeks. 

First shot was in the bursa in my hip. According to my math, my right hip has been hurting since my first trip to India in 2012, from sleeping on a rock hard, ayurvedic type bed.  It injured the bursa, and set me up for more issues, or it compounded other issues (like IT band syndrome).

Second shot was in my shoulder, as I've had problems with my shoulder, going on nearly 3 years. I have had symptoms of chronic elbow tendonitis which have been resistant to treatment (I've had a cortisone shot in the elbow, regular visits with a physical therapist, topical voltaren gel, ultrasound, TENS/EMS, and even cool laser). I had the shot in the shoulder and for about a week, the elbow seemed different; however, now it's nudging itself back to where it was before the shot.

I don't have the time (3 visits a week for 5 weeks) or the money (roughly $2500--and insurance doesn't cover it) for EPAT, which I've been promised would help. But what if I go through the logistical inconvenience of those 15 visits and spend all that money and be no better off? What then?

Next thing on my bitch list today is the fact that in August, my endocrinologist broke up with me, informing me he was going to retire by year end. Then September brought with it that little drama involving my glucometer readings and digestive enzymes--to date, he still hasn't bothered to reply to my last email to him. 

The lack of a reply disappoints me, as in August he informed me he is my doctor until the end of December. Well, if he's not replying to me, then he's not doing much in the way of doctoring. Last week I received the stock letter that every one of his patients received--and they didn't even go to the trouble of doing a proper mail merge, to personalize each letter with our names. The letter might as well have opened with "To Whom It May Concern."   

Despite the fact he's sold his practice to another doctor (or two), I've found someone closer to home and who takes my insurance, and who is a known entity to two friends/co-workers, who are seeing this new doc for thyroid issues, and I feel that is where my focus should be right now. So in January, when I return from what will be my most-recent travels, I'll set up an appointment. I have my "bundle" already for that visit, too. Blood work, etc. And I've been chipping away at sorting through the mountain of paperwork, and compiling a spreadsheet to document my progress since my bypass in 2011, to make things easy for the new endo to get a handle on me as a patient.  

And lastly, this past week I visited my gyno for my annual exam. The visit went smoothly no real complaints, and I had my mammogram done the week before, so that came back clean. I mentioned how I was interested in getting "some work done" by having a "tuck and suck," possibly having my pannicula removed/tummy tuck, and having a fist-sized gob of fat removed/sucked out of me, not for vanity reasons but because I'm tired of carting this flab around, and I want to be more comfortable in my own body and have my clothing fit better.  

So projects for 2018: 

1. New endocrinologist;
2. Seek consultation with the plastic surgeon my gyno recommended (as well as seek a second opinion). 

All this, coupled up with blatherings at my other blog wherein I detail the craziness going on with my mother, and my brother, etc, just adds up to me being anxious and depressed, and wanting to power through Thanksgiving, and power through until I am in Singapore and places beyond.

Which reminds me--I need to buy a biodegradable urn.