55 Days And Counting

So it's 55 days (or 54 days "and a wake up" as we used to say in the military) until my dodgey hip is hacksawed out of me. I'm excited at the idea of removing this thing which has caused me easily 20 years worth of pain and discomfort, which over the last two years has led to a marked decrease in my stamina and my ability to do the things I want to do. Additionally, I'm excited about the idea that for the first time in my life, my legs will both be the same length. 

Unlike other medical things in my life, I refuse to allow myself to do a nose dive down a series of rabbit holes regarding the surgeon, as well as the procedure itself. It's bad enough I know what I know, but glad I'll be knocked out while they do it.

I've lulled myself into a sense of security (false or not) that the pain I'll endure post-op isn't going to be worse than what I'm living with now.

In fact, I'm not even thinking about it at all. The only things I am concerning myself with involves the concern of whether I'll catch COVID while in the hospital (especially while I'm unmasked for the anesthesia), and I'm more worried about how will I use the toilet or shower afterwards. I'm sure I could do "whore baths" for 1-2 weeks if I truly need to, but my surgery will be mid July, and I'd rather not forego full showers at all.

Additionally, I've been weaned off the Wellbutrin as I wasn't convinced it was helping me as I wanted it to help me, though Maharajah said it was helping me, and my primary care doc (who prescribed it) thought it was meeting her benchmarks for me. I just didn't feel it. And every time I had a weird tingle in my skull I kept thinking, "is this when the seizure finally will happen?"

So I'm off the junk. And I also canned my therapist who I was seeing for roughly the same time frame I was on the Wellbutrin too. I'd say 11 weeks was ample time to suss out whether this person was useful. And sad to say, he wasn't. 

I'm not a full on doofus. I know what I need to do. I just need HELP. I need someone, an expert, to tell me or show me HOW to do what I need to do. I don't need to waste one more moment with someone who is just circling the drain overstating the obvious and not providing anything useful--in addition to what I'll dub "toxic positivitiy." 

Last week I found myself with the first UTI in decades (if I've ever had one before at all), and couldn't see my primary care doc, and saw one of her associates. He was a pleasant surprise. He examined me and had me give a sample to be tested, wrote me an Rx for an atbx, then I asked about weaning off Wellbutrin, which he then wrote another Rx for 15 lower dose tablets and gave instructions how to take them. And I asked if he knew of any neuropsychologists nearby that I could see, and he thoroughly surprised me as he knew of someone, wrote me a referral, and I was on my way.

I called the neuropsychology practice and there's a 2-3 month backlog, so it won't be until mid July or August before I get in for an evaluation, but at least I started the process.

Hurry up and wait. Lots of ducks being set in a row, for a lot of progress and action in the coming months.