Another Week, Another Post

Another week, another post with progress as yet to be determined.

Monday I went to the lab for some blood tests for my nephrologist appointment on 3/18/2024. My nephrologist is normally top notch; however, he only ordered a urinalysis and a comprehensive metabolic panel. He faxed me the order, and before I went to Quest, I selected a lipid panel, triglycerides, CR-P, Sed Rate, and Uric Acid, as it looks like I am following my issues more closely and consistently than he is.

I got the results overnight, and already there's a huge improvement with my CR-P. In August it was 11, whereas my norm is 0-1. This week's value was 2, which is a considerable improvement, so I'm happy that it appears the inflammation is going down--and I can only assume it's because of the anticoagulant is helping by minimizing clotting, and allowing my body time to dissolve the clot.

Tuesday was a consultation with a hematologist. I got some answers, and of course, I have YET ANOTHER FOLLOW UP (I think in July). Right now we don't know what the triggering event was for the DVT, as we have quite a few risk factors in consideration as I am post-menopausal, hypertensive, carry the gene for Factor Five Leiden Mutation, I'm over weight, I'm sedentary because of foot chronic foot pain, and I did some air travel in October, and lastly, yes, my Pfizer booster before we traveled might be playing a part in it as well. So take your pick. 

Only bad thing really is that the clot still has a ways to go, as the portion in the calf still needs to show some progress. This was the part that was completely blocked.

I won't know until July if I'll be on a lower dose of anti-coagulation therapy for the rest of my life. Only the blood tests in July will determine that. I'm less than thrilled.

As I said to the hematologist: If I can't take ibuprofen or aleve because of the anticoagulant, and if I can't take opiates because of the antidepressant, how am I expected to manage my pain if I'll be on anticoagulants for the rest of my life?

He told me he couldn't recommend I resume my turmeric supplements; however, all he could do is tell me there isn't anything documented to contraindicate it with the particular anticoagulant I'm on, and for me to be mindful to avoid gastric bleeds.

Anyway, coming up next week are a pedicure and foot doc appointment on Monday, and a pelvic MRI on Tuesday. This is my life. Even the hematologist remarked on it, "I see you've had quite a few encounters at the radiology department!" 

Most years I empty out my flex spend account by June; here it is the first week of March, and all I have left of my $2500 is $400, which I'll have emptied out before Memorial Day--or sooner. 

Trying to get a handle on this unshakable loneliness I have. It's a byproduct of my C-PTSD, and also in this COVID hellscape which persists is not helping. And the loneliness is only the surface shit I can articulate. I wish I could dig a bit further and get to what I really am feeling. And on a related note, I'm going to look into some meditations or stretches or body work or yoga specifically for somatic healing, as so much of my trauma is trapped in me physically.

I don't know if it was helpful or not, perhaps not, but I was stalking the alumni group on FB for my graduating class, and TBH, there isn't one god damned person in the group who is still alive that I'd even care to see, if I made the effort to attend a reunion--and I know the same is in reverse, no one wants to see me, either. There I go again, always being the outsider looking in, wanting to be included but not, but in the end there are very few, if any, people in the group that were particularly nice or kind to me. I feel so lonely, and yet, part of me worries and wonders about how narcissistic is it, really, for me to feel this way, lonely and feeling like no one misses me. As you can see, I still have a ways to go to break that attachment. But people need people--even traumatized introverts with avoidant tendencies--we just don't know how to navigate it.