50 lbs lost thus far. AND HOLDING. Currently in a plateau.
The impaction issue seems to be abating somewhat. Turns out edamame was the key to unlock that problem, tho I am still taking 2 Dulcolax daily until I feel confident that the impaction issue has passed (excuse the pun) entirely. Nearly 4 weeks since the last impaction episode.
33 Hours since my last dose of Effexor. I've decided to go cold turkey off the junk. I felt like I hit a brick wall as far as it being effective for me, and if anything, I felt paranoid, depressed to the point of barely functioning, and felt *DULL*.
Something had to give, as it were, and I just can't function anymore. If this means that the crying jags come back in full force, so be it. Because I know if the crying jags come back in full force, that also means my productivity and creativity will be back in full force, too. I thought I would be headachey and irritable without the Effexor. But so far, so good.
Once I actually start to feel better and BELIEVE I FEEL BETTER, then I might be able to muster up the strength and "give a fuck" to make other necessary changes in my life (such as quit my fucking miserable job).
My weight loss has brought good things: the loss of the weight, increased good health, improving my appearance (so superficial to even mention it), as well as increased stamina for walking and endurance. It's even brought my husband and I closer together, as he's a willing and capable participant in my new lifestyle. Funny thing is, he's 135-145 lbs. The man doesn't NEED to lose weight, and ... well, he's losing weight vicariously through my weight loss surgery.
So many good things happening, and yet my depression has gotten the better of me, to the point where I barely have the energy or motivation to get out of bed in the a.m., with my major daily accomplishment being: Getting up. Getting washed. Getting dressed. Dragging my ass to work. Only to come to work, be miserable, foggy-headed, unfocused, miserable, unproductive, miserable, alienated, strung out, miserable... are you sensing a theme here?
So I'm hoping getting off the junk will help at least clear the fog out, make me more productive, and give me some modicum of a sense that I've accomplished more than being a bump on a log with a pulse. Besides, I've got shit I need to do at work (i.e. WORK!!!), which, sadly, I've been great at masquerading and appearing productive and busy, but not really accomplishing anything. I'm so distracted and alienated at work, coupled up with my depression and fog from the medication, that I can't stay on track to finish anything. So this is another level of dread I have about the work place, above and beyond the lack of professionalism (to the point of it being a hostile work environment, IMHO).
Once I clear my head, I need to tackle this problem head on. The resume has been dusted off and emailed out, and I've put out feelers to some folks to keep their eyes open for anything that they think might be suitable for someone with my particular talents.
I also hope to get more active. But this will necessitate two things: 1. The motivation factor (see paragraph devoted to me getting off Effexor); and 2. Getting a handle on my pain (can't take Tramadol if I'm on my effexor, which leaves me few options to help with my pain, since NSAIDs are verbotten post-op). But every once in a while (subtext: every other day or so) the husband is successful in getting me to get on the recumbent bike, and I pedal for about a half hour.
This weekend, he introduced me to Tamilee Webb, and got me to do her 10 minute arms on Saturday and Sunday. I wouldn't mind doing THAT every day! I felt good and tender after (days after, not immediately after doing it), and thought to myself I could manage exercise in 10 minute increments. I mean, I'm not THAT lazy that I can't manage it. So pain notwithstanding, I hope to get addicted to Tamilee Webb like my husband is.
Also worth mentioning, I got my first bag of Caramel calcium chews from Bariatric Advantage, and they are very tasty! I don't do chewables for all my calcium needs. For me, I like to have something sweet with a hot cup of tea and I take my chewy chews then. It's a nice change of pace from my other supplements I use.
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