Things feel so grim right now. I admit I require a lot more certainty than most people. I freely admit I feel ill-equipped to handle whatever the next week or two holds for me.
This morning (while working from home) I finally used the bottle of hair dye I bought at the start of the pandemic. A year ago I stocked up on all the obvious essentials, plus a 10 pack of sympathy cards and a bottle of hair dye. The sympathy cards were all long gone by year end. And today I finally used the hair dye.
I have felt overwhelmed by the pandemic, and of course mom dying, and barely had a chance to fully process the gravity of it all, before I learned at the end of April the name of the kidney disease I have been monitored for by my nephrologist. And before I can process THAT, I am now in the midst of a medical mystery, trying to find out what has caused my liver fibrosis.
My sister, I have come to discover, yet again (first time was after my bypass 10 years ago) that she is incapable of empathy or give-a-fuck, so as unpleasant as that is, it is useful to me to know from where to expect my support.
So, today is the day I go for a COVID test, which is required in preparation for my liver biopsy, which is 5 days away.
Usually I reward myself after doing something I really don’t want to do; however, I dyed my hair before showering, and I HAD to shower because the last time I showered was Monday, and I am a depressed weirdo who believes showering is part of the social contract if you are going to be up close and personal with anyone.
24 more minutes until I check in. I guess I better get dressed and out the door.
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