Initially, I experienced a bit of separation anxiety or feelings of abandonment, even though it was my decision to leave when and how I did. I miss my friends. That is about it!
More radical changes are on the way!
The last two years I worked diligently to get myself back on track emotionally as the last 1654 days have been an enormous setback for me, emotionally and physically given the pummeling of: the COVID19 shut down, mom’s death, getting seriously sick after the initial shot of Pfizer vax, instant menopause, etc etc, bringing me to my DVT diagnosis in December 2023 & me catching COVID for the first time in January 2024.
Two years ago while out recuperating from my hip replacement, I finally had a neuropsychological evaluation, proper diagnosis of C-PTSD, then genetic testing to help determine which Rx would be best, get on Rx, and start up psychotherapy yet again with a new trauma therapist.
The past two years of doing all that plus holding down a full time job, took all my time and attention and didn’t leave much energy & stamina to consider & focus on tending to the physical. Add to that dynamic the unexpected drama of he DVT diagnosis and sussing out all the consultations needed (vascular, hematology) on top of finding a new primary care doc, it was a full time job to get to this point.
I am now in maintenance mode regarding the DVT. So now I have a bit of focus for addressing my physical health setbacks, re: pain & weight gain.
Prior to the COVID shutdown I was still managing well enough from my gastric bypass; however, that all changed with the shut down, with my as yet dealt-with grief, and menopause. I know I have gained weight yet I cannot bring myself to get on a scale yet. But now my blood chemistry is creeping back into numbers that make me anxious, and now I am ready to explore what type of bariatric surgery revision I might be able to get. I want to get under 200 lbs again.
In the meantime, my new neurologist has run several MRIs on me and has a clearer vision of my collection of challenges I have. Starting next month, I will start a 6 week course of physical therapy to essentially work on building up strength in my ass. Also scheduled: a consult with a new physiatrist for hopefully a kenalog injection in my back & maybe a cortisone shot in my hip.
My sleep hygiene has gone to shit with all the pain I am in, I cannot find a good position that doesn’t cause pain.
Next month I also have my 6 month follow up with my kidney doc, and even though that appt is at 11:00, I am going to try to be fasting when I arrive so we can rerun my blood tests.
After I see him, I have my annual mammo, and lastly a follow up appt with my primary care regarding medications & discuss the bypass revision idea.
My quick & radical decision to retire really awakened in me a sense of purpose in my ability to be more present for myself & to stop neglecting myself.
More radical changes are afoot!
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