Snippet From a Thread, Elsewhere

[This is a snippet of a reply I left in someone else's thread involving their (in)fertility.] 

[...] "At this stage of my ("unproductive") journey,  I'm using Maude (of the 70s flick "Harold and Maude") as my role model. I *want* to live a life rich with meaning and deliberate choice. I'm just at the point of accepting this (and no, there was no "choice" for me to make regarding motherhood), and (intellectualizing) if my journey won't involve kids (of my own), what will my "deliberate choices" be? 

Of course, this is made even harder when you've come to just barely accept your own fate/destiny/narrative, when someone comes along and pities you, when really that's the last thing anyone needs. FWIW, I'm the only non-breeder amongst my family, so as if the drama with our mother isn't enough to be off putting, the alienation I feel from others (as they don't know how to either respond to or process my infertility, or worse, come up with their own conclusions about why I don't have kids). 

I have come to truly embrace my friends, as THEY are without a doubt the biggest influence/impact on my life (next to my husband).

End note: 
Regarding pity. I'm not someone who defines themselves one way or the other, that I am "somebody special" because I'm Mrs.Whutwhut, or that I'm "somebody special" because of where I work. And I envision that I never ever indulged in the notion of me being "so-and-so's mom." So this (infertility, non-mom) is merely a state of being. It does not define me any more than being white, or being female, or being American, or being (fill in the blank here). So when I mention in passing, "oh yes, I've got female troubles," or "hey, yeah, I'm dealing with infertility," the very last thing I need is someone's pity."

I've found that a good lot of folks confuse empathy for pity (and visa versa), and for whatever my 2 cents is worth, I think some folks are incapable of truly being empathic, as sometimes their own pains are too close to the surface (can't see the forest for the trees, that type of perspective), and incapable of any true depth.

Sometimes there are no words. Outright silence is even worse. However, I think the best response is rather succinct: "Hey. I care. I don't know what to say. I'm here for you." Even if "here" is you being there, sitting in silence, while someone does word vomit to deal with what they're dealing with. Even if you being there is to take them out for coffee, a momentary distraction.