Just filled with despair. Again. Hip is fine but the c-ptsd is kicking my ass as always.
The process starts all over again, to find the “pink unicorn,” in this case a psychiatrist and a therapist who are taking new patients, accept my insurance, and either are local to me or offer zoom sessions.
The never ending calling, then waiting for return calls which go no where. The constant seeking out new names. Wasting more time.
I have been over-stimmed and distressed recently as the 38 year old husband of my cousin died suddenly. I woke up this morning in tears, after having a nightmare where I watched a boat my husband was on capsize. I woke up in tears, and in the nightmare I was convinced he died.
I wish it were ME who died. I don’t want to exist anymore.
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