Cymbalta: Day 8

Perhaps it would have been useful for me to know up front, prior to taking the first dose, that Cymbalta would have constipating effects. Knowing I have had bathroom issues for three years since my gastric bypass, this would have been useful information.

So instead of having general anxiety and depression, I now have ambivalence (which just exacerbates my ennui) and a perpetual case of performance anxiety in the bathroom. Anxiety when I don't go, thinking I'm surely going to have an impaction issue eventually. Anxiety that since I'm not having (shall we say) "productive" activity, it will equate to an uptick in weight. And just a general sense of unwell "down there." 

Is it worth it? I mean. I'm not crippled by it. There *is* some activity each day (though Saturday was worrisome, as my poop was MIA). But it's not "satisfying." 

My colon is already "loaded for bear" each day (Colace, fiber, probiotics, magnesium supplements, hot coffee galore, and on Saturday it was all that PLUS Miralax--and still nothing). I'm adding prune juice to the mix, thinking I need to up the ante as it were. And of course, trying to keep myself adequately hydrated.

A normal person doesn't think about their poop this much. Do they?

Poo in Review

Held hostage today in the handicapped restroom.

Had to manually disimpact to free myself from my captor's clutches.

Note to self: get disposable rubber gloves and keep in desk at work.

PS: Also get stool softener, and stop living in denial that you need it.

2 Days W/out Movement

So yes, another poo related post. I want to illustrate the divergent differences between my pre-op and post-op poo procedures.

Pre-Op:

I get the urge.
Go to bathroom.
Sit down.
Evacuate the soft-serve.
Leave bathroom within 5 minutes.

Post-Op:

I get the urge.
Go to bathroom.
Sit down.
Bear down hard.
Take a breather.
Rub knees.
Bear down a bit more.
Take a breather.
Give self a pep talk.
Press pressure point on hand which is supposed to magically release the Krakken.
Bear down some more.
Do toilet yoga, bending and contorting this way and that, hoping to leverage the fecal leviathan out.
Take a breather.
Pinch a few times.
Take a few deep breaths.
Wipe.
Thank the universe.
Leave bathroom.
Estimated time held hostage by my feces: Half hour (+/-).

The Poop Report

This is my last Poop Report until such time it changes:

It's not a fluke. I REPEAT. It's not a fluke. It's a trend. I'm regular again. Maven: 1; Impaction: 0.

Here endeth the Poop Report.
#itonlytookfiveweeks

The Poop Report

Rather than go into the particulars of today's *ahem* movement, I've decided it best to share what I call "hai-poos," which is to say, haiku about POO.

*AHEM*

Oh puckered o-ring
Bearing down, extrude! extrude!
Won’t you stop throbbing?

Throb, throb, throb, throb, throb
Flames, shooting out my ass, still
Still throb, 9 to 6.

A total standstill
My G.I. tract a dead end
Did I eat concrete?

Strong Firey Krakken!
I once knew your name very well!
My ass has grown mute.

DEMON DOWN BELOW!
Breach birth’d anal alien
Tear me limb from limb.

Such a cosmic joke
Anal. Hellfire. Damnation.
Won’t sit right for days.

On every third day
I have to birth a demon
It holds me hostage.

In Summation: The First Week (TMI)

1/19/11: 275
1/21/11: 280
1/22/10: "Onset day" (That dirty bitch, Flo!)
1/25/11: 261

One thing I don't think I was given adequate warning for was something as simple/basic as a daily bowel movement. I never thought to ask my surgeon exactly what to expect (really there are so many more pressing details to focus upon), and now that I'm in "the thick of it" it's affecting my daily living. And I guess will continue to do so until me and my body establish and re-define exactly what is "normal" for us.

• Day 5: Had 2 doses of milk of magnesia with zero effect.
• Day 6: Husband administered *shudder* an enema, which elicited lackluster (imho), and I might add, it also broke down what little "mystery" was left in our marriage.
• Day 7: I spiked my protein shake with 2.5 tsps of flax seed oil to help counteract the constipation; Zero poo activity. (Tho, I will be boosting this to the full 1 T. dose on the bottle for my next shake that is mixed up.)
• Day 8: (Today) Evacuation completed, no other intervention, tho it was "time consuming" and bordering-on-painful to do so. Pre-op, if I had the urge to go, I had to heed it immediately or suffer the consequences (I always suspected I had a "touch" of IBS; but really? It could have been the metformin--note: I'm not on my metformin for my PCOS, and probably won't resume until after 5 weeks, when I follow up with my endocrinologist, so that's a factor here too.).

Here endeth this week's Poop Report.