On My "Dirty" Neck

No, it's not dirt.
No, I'm not allergic to my gold necklace.
It's 22K, who the hell is allergic to pure gold??

Thanks for drawing more attention to my acanthis nigricdans on the back of my neck.

I guess I should be happy. At least I didn't get yet another belly pat or belly pinch.

Who'dathunkit?

Everyone in my house has gained 10-15 pounds.

Everyone EXCEPT the "resident fatty," me.

Hah!

After Two Weeks: Stop L*pitor

Muscle aches.
Bone aches.
Joint aches.

Massive, three day headache.

Stopped.

Taking low dose aspirin, 81 mg, and drinking low sugar grape juice.

Let's see what my blood work shows in December, as it will be one full month of aspirin and grape juice therapy in an attempt to lower my cholesterol and boost my good cholesterol.

On Arrogance

I've been dealing with the full-on effects of PCOS since around 1990.

Diagnosed, officially, in 1999.

Currently, I am paying top dollar to go to an endocrinologist well known, in the forefront of study for PCOS. Paying out of pocket for his office visits, as he does not accept medical insurance.

I have faith in him that he is not over-prescribing medication for me. I have faith in his judgement that the medications I am on will assist me in (hopefully) not becoming my mother, health wise.

So I find it a bit arrogant and presumptous of you, who has been staying in my home, MY HOME, even though it feels like home TO YOU, it is MY HOME, to voice your opinions about my five pill bottles of medication. And then to have the temerity to suggest that I should "wean" myself off my meds, because YOU feel uncomfortable about them.

I am sorry, but my response is a deep, resounding NO THANKS.

If I stop taking my blood pressure medication, in time, I am sure I will have a stroke or a heart attack.

If I stop taking my metformin, which has been holding me, insulin wise, in a holding pattern, I will no doubt morph into Type II diabetes.

If I stop taking my L*xapro, I probably would either kill myself or you -- Take your pick.

And lastly, just because you do not see what I eat daily, does not mean that I am gorging myself on fried chicken and waffles or Luther Burgers, and drinking regular soda and milk shakes. Just because you do not see the six or seven blocks I walk during lunch, or how when I go shopping, I go down every single aisle, or run about ten different errands a day to keep our household running... Step the fuck off.

You wanna do something constructive towards my overall health? Don't stress me out. Perhaps I could get off my L*xapro or my blood pressure pills if I could manage my stress properly, which obviously I cannot do myself.

Or how about you paying for me to go in for abdominal reconstruction surgery so I can get some of this fat, which I am sure I never will be able to burn off myself, lopped off my midsection.

Now THAT, THAT is something constructive.

In the meantime, STFU.

Takes More To Be An Anorexic Than This...

Just like it takes more than donuts and Big Macs to be obese...

Note To Self: Won't Someone Donkey Punch My Ovaries?

Note to self, or more specifically, "Alice B. Toklas," (pictured herein) and her counterpart, Gertie (short for Gertrude Stein, not pictured), aka my malfunctioning fluster-cucked ovaries:

You WILL NOT ruin my up-coming vacation by surprising me with a sudden onset of "It's a Small Bloody Clotty Crampy Bitchy World, Afterall."

If needed, I will forcibly remove you BOTH, by myself, with a rusty razorblade and rinse you both out with a bottle of Campho-Phenique, and cauterize you with a disease-laden, half-smoked ciggy snatched from the syphilitic mouth of a local hobo. Then! When I'm done with you, you'll be tossed out of my car, wrapped in a 7-11 Big Bite wrapper, a la John Wayne Bobbitt's lopped-off shweenus, and hopefully eaten by a rabid, feral dog.

You both have been warned, you useless pieces of crap!

Don't F*** With Fat Folks -- We'll Eat Your Children

Three Month Check Up With The Specialist

“On any person who desires such queer prizes,

New York will bestow the gift of loneliness and the gift of privacy.”

E.B. White, 1949

Yet another trip to the specialist, only AFTER a visit to the Mount for a trans AND intra-vag US, which showed some improvement re: the ovaries. Less follicles and a little bit of shrinkage to normal size.

That's the good news.

Bad news, I'm still overweight, still not pregnant. Advised against it at the moment until I can drop some weight. And despite taking a hefty AND totally liquified dump at the specialist, it wasn't enough to prove I lost any weight.

So much for my theory that I'm about one solid bowel movement away from showing any weight loss...

More bad news, I now have an Rx for Lipitor as my cholesterol levels aren't where they should be.

Not necessarily the most life-affirming visit to the doctor, however, he did write me scrips for my blood pressure Rxs, in addition to my metformin and the lipitor.

I'm So Glad To Have Been Born After This Era...

This Makes Me Cheerful to be Me at the Moment

Cliff Notes of 7/6/06 Appointment with Specialist

Cliffnotes of the appointment:

• I lost another three pounds.
• Cholesterol went up by 20 points
• Uric acid is a concern. I have a three month reprieve, to play around with diet, see if that impacts the result, and if not, I will be put on yet another medication so as to prevent painful gout, and lifethreatening kidney failure.
• When I schedule my next appointment in three months, I have to arrange for a trans-vag U/S... AGAIN.

Introducting Alice B. Toklas

Behold her pocky nature:

The left one is Gertie (short for Gertrude Stein).

Seemed only fitting to name them both, even though I only have a picture of the right one.

Results of visit with crotchacologist:

• I've gained seven pounds since 2003 (truthfully that's a healthy bowel movement away from maintaining my weight)

• Thanks to me and my big mouth, admitting the four month lapse between cycles, I had the above ultrasound done; Uterine lining perfect save for one fibroid too small to measure.
  
• Nothing else noteworthy to report.

I Darest Thou...

Yay Capitalism

Nestle to buy Jenny Craig for $600 million
Swiss company seeks to capitalize on weight-loss trend

GENEVA, Switzerland - In a move that recognizes the modern world’s twin obsessions — indulgence and guilt — chocolate maker Nestle said Monday it would purchase weight loss product maker Jenny Craig Inc. for $600 million.

[...]

This is no different than say "Big Tobacco" hooking folks on cancer-sticks when they're young, and then hooking them when they're older and emphysemic on "the patch."

Corporate America will get their money out of you one way or another...

Day One: Low Glycemic Diet Gels

I saw The Low Glycemic Diet gel capsules today at the pharmacy, and figured I'd give them a whirl. They contain, among other things: Bitter melon, cinnamon, fennugreek, gymnema, Indian kino tree powder, Neem powder, and syzgium cumini.

I bolded the things I already knew were good for insulin response. Though the bitter melon I cannot take if I am pregnant, I am not pregnant currently, and I doubt that it is high enough of a dose to be a concern at this point in attempting to get pregnant, because let's face it, I'm not fucking at the rate of an olympic porn star. If it happens, it happens.

So I figure these gel caps (1 cap twice a day between meals), in conjunction with my Alpha-Betic vitamins, alpha lipoic acid, and my Omega-3 fish oil caps, I've got my bases covered.

Next visit with the specialist: July 6th.

Note to self:
Onset: June 3
Offset: June 9

How Do I Look? How Do I Feel??

Crime Scene Monday: Flow-Gasm

Ever have a 'gasm so intense it brings on your flow?

Four months of nothing but bloat and irritability, and nothing to show for it.

Now-show-flow.

Last night I, quite literally, felt a piercing explosion of sorts in the area of my right ovary.

VOILA! Self-cleaning womb!

Most Days, I Feel & Fear Others View Me In an Exaggerated Light

My reality (on the right!):

What other folks would prefer I view myself as:

Ya Never Know What to Expect

This is what I love about the city, within which I work. Unpredictability. IN YOUR FACE kinda unpredictability.

I no sooner finished chatting with Jabippy-Lou, when I returned to the elevator queue and waited for the next lift up, when I was hit with a rather gamey, sour stench... and lo-and-behold! Next to the garbage can was chunkage. DELICIOUS!!! CLASSY!!

I fine visual for me to have as I trotted off to my Reiki healing circle. Seing chunky, sour, sick, as I'm off to a class to rid my body and soul and psyche of its own variety of SICK.

It's all good though. I'm sure the pidgeons will be eating quite well as a result of this. All the better for them to squirt their Rorschach-like shit all over my car. All the better for the owner of the local car wash.
It's all good.

It's been over a month since I last attended a Reiki healing circle, as I was on vacation when the last one was held. One of the Reiki masters was taken aback by whatever improvement there has been with me, my body, and my energy. She quickly asked me what I had been doing differently. And I basically said nothing crazy, I just changed my soap and I've been on L*xapro for about five weeks. She said she noticed a big change with me, as if I dropped a lot of weight, my belly has shrunk, somewhat, and overall I'm lacking in that "train-wreck-je-ne-sais-quois"... that untouchable, yet palpable sense that I was on the verge of falling apart.

There was a decided theme in our circle. We all were there with neck, shoulder, and upper back complaints. I usually an reluctant to say what I am attending any healing circle for, as I prefer that the practitioner use intuition (this appeals to the skeptic in me, too, if I see that they focus their energies and touch on the area without me saying so). I feel a little better physically. Not much. But emotionally... noticably better.

Apparently the left side of the body is the feminine, and the chakra of the throat and neck pertain to our ability or inability to communicate. Seems we all had problems with our mothers last night. Fancy that!

Last night's experience reminded me that I promised myself a one-on-one session with the Master, and also a swedish massage elsewhere.

But I was aware last night, as the Reiki Master was hugging me, that her hug was the first hug in a long time, that just manifested itself. I didn't initiate the hug. I didn't demand or ask for the hug. She just gave it. And even though I know I am loved by my husband (who doesn't tell me nearly enough), it was well worth the class fee, to have a virtual stranger extend love to me. Perhaps it might be enough for me to love myself enough to forgive myself for past misdeeds...