Friday, August 26, 2022

Day 43

To expand on what I shared with the neuropsychologist during that four hour psych eval: 

Between 50+ years of emotionally destructive narcissistic abuse on top of a foundation of adverse childhood experiences, feeling unsafe, feeling like a failure, a burden or a problem, being hyper sensitive because of all that, coupled up with pain, anxiety & a baseline of dysthymia, the pandemic & unaddressed or processed grief over my mom dying, this all is negatively impacting my perception & performance at my job where I feel like a failure, a burden and a problem. 

My mom might have set this dynamic in motion; however, she is physically gone now, and I am the common denominator now in my problems, and I need professional help to try and untangle this mess because it impacts everything, and is holding me back, as well as it is impacting my ability to experience & cultivate joy. 

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