Topamax Chronicles: It's Deja Vu All Over Again

Neurologist is perhaps more vexxed than I when it comes to the topic of my pain. I've come to accept it, with a somewhat silent resignation that it will be an omnipresent... presence in my life.

He opened our discussion with revisiting the idea of Lyrica or Neurontin, both I nixed for their obvious side effects. For me, it's always been a matter of quality of life. That the quality of my life with the pain is better than the quality of my life on these pain meds, which end up having some pretty potent, unpleasant side effects.

I'm still suffering the effects of the last failed experiment of me trying out Cymbalta, which I went on with such hope of helping my pain and my anxiety/depression, only for me to be even worse off than before, and with a 7-10 lb weight gain, which I haven't managed to shed.  (As if I weren't depressed enough, to begin with, right?)

So he circled back and said, "What about trying Topamax again?" Initially I bristled at the idea because, HELLO, I do not have a convulsive disorder and this is a medicine specifically for that! And I have tried it in the past, and had problems when the dose was titrated up, but remembered initially, the lower dose kept me blunted and I didn't give a shit, and I couldn't recall if it helped my migraines all that much.  Though, looking around on PubMed, there is plenty of information in support of it for use for chronic low back pain which is another "star" in the constellation of pain issues I have--namely the spondylolisthesis I, and herniations and arthritis. 

And well? I am also not-so-secretly hoping it helps with the pesky weight issue. I really want to continue making progress. I've been stalled for years. I want to continue moving forward.

So. Resigned with the paucity of choices for me, and placing full trust in my neurologist, I agreed to give Topamax a try one more time. A month should be a good enough time to see if there's merit. But then what? Do I stay on this for the rest of my life? I'm less than enthused at this idea.

Yesterday I saw my neuro-opthamologist for the optic nerve druzen. I get this monitored every couple of years, and he seemed concerned about my being on Topamax (of course! who WOULDN'T be upset about the idea?) and suggested I look into riboflavin (and another herbal supplement, which I cannot recall--perhaps feverfew?). So I am considering adding 400 mg of riboflavin to my daily intake. Not sure if I will shift other things around. My 3mg of boron is poised to be 86'd if need be. I am not 100% certain there is 100% merit in keeping it in the line up, though my reasons for having added it to the line up were (and continue to be) sound.

To date, I am about eight days deep into the Topamax, thereabouts. I take it in the evening, so the bulk of the mind scrambling wonderment happens after dinner. And I nod off. And pretty much by the time I wake up in the a.m. and get ready for work, I am in a cloud, but functional. Barely. And if I didn't have my husband around to get me out of bed, I honestly don't know how I'd be able to get going every day.

Pain Chronicles: Persistent RLQ Pain, Part Deux

Saw my gynecologist last week for my annual exam. In passing he asked if there was anything else cooking, and I mentioned the RLQ pain. He ordered an abdominal CAT with contrast, to rule out chronic appendicitis. Pain is near McBurney's Point, so it's plausible. It's plausible it could be a kidney cyst or stone, too (especially given I've had blood in my urine). Could be something with my cecum, too. Not outlandish to think something's up with my gut flora.

Hurry up and wait.

Kenalog: An Update

Had the shot, then two weeks later, a follow up appointment to assess. 

I am neither overjoyed nor non-plussed by the effects of the shot. Do I feel any marked improvement? Depends on the day when you ask. We're now into rainy-snow almost wintery mix weather out there, and the pain is still there, though the intensity varies from day to day.

Some days it feels 20% better. Some days more. But I would not say on a good day that my pain is 50% diminished. Not going back for another shot at this time, or at least not in my spine. Though I am considering a shot for my trochanteric bursitis in my hip.

Results: Neither here nor there. Glad to check it off my to do list.

Yesterday: Kenalog Injection

Yesterday I had kenalog injections/facet joint injections. Too soon to tell if it's working. Though I'm clearly HOPING there is some merit in it!

Have to follow up with the physiatrist in two weeks to assess any improvement.

Pain Chronicles: Facet Joint Injections (Kenalog)

Appointment scheduled for next week. 

Mood: Hopeful.

Pain Chronicles: Persistent RLQ Pain

Going on for probably a year now.

Gastroenterologist has suggested colonoscopy--and really, I'm just too lazy to go thru all that trouble, plus the indignity of the diagnostic scoping itself. Plus: the inevitable "HANGRY!" of being on clear liquids (and no dairy--UGH).

Appendicitis ruled out, given no fever, no hershey squirts. Just intermittent, acute, sharp pain.

We speculated a while ago it could possibly be an ovarian cyst, since, HELLO! I have PCOS. But this pain is much different than the searing, TAKE MY BREATH AWAY PAIN that comes from a cyst bursting. 

Reading a bit today about the possibility that this might actually be lactose intolerance brought on by my gastric bypass. I'm nearing four years post-op, and only in the last year or so has this pain presented itself.

This a.m., while eating my usual "first intake" which consists of pretzel thins and two Baby Bells, the pain kind of amped up a wee bit. Granted, I woke up with it. As of late, I've taken to eating cheese as a late night protein dense snack. I suspect I might have to curtail this, or cut myself down to one serving of cheese a day. Despite the fact that yogurt and aged cheeses have a much lower volume of lactose in it (due to the bacteria cultures involved), it does not 100% eliminate lactose.

So, doing a differential diagnosis on myself, my first diagnosis will be a mild case of lactose intolerance. My second diagnosis would be something unusual like an adhesion resulting from my adenomyosis. And my third diagnosis would be intermittent appendicitis (not all appendicitis results in an exploding appendix). 

Going to discuss this perhaps at the next visit to the doctor, as I have to follow up about my vaccinations given our plans for a trip abroad in 2015, and I want to make sure I'm up to date on all my shots.

Pain Chronicles: Facet Joint Injections

As per the consultation with the physiatrist, I have an appointment set up with one of their associates, for a consultation to discuss facet joint injections. I'm hoping it will help. Anything to keep me moving, or moving MORE than I am, I am supportive of at the moment.

Appointment is two weeks from now. 

Hurry up and wait.

MRI of Thoracic Spine

Verbatim from report dtd 9/27/14:

Impression:
Diffuse spondylitic changes. Bulging T1-2. Left paracentral disc herniation T2-3 and posterocentral disc herniation T3-4. 
###

Tomorrow I see my neurologist for a follow up regarding my migraines and to get a refill on my Frova. I also will be taking along hard copies of all three reports from all three MRIs, and I'm hoping that my neuro and chiro can work in tandem with one another regarding possible plans to address/treat my pain issues.  I'm also going to back burner my query about testing neuro-chemistry re: my depression, as my B1 seems to be helping. For the moment.

In December, I will be seeing my gyno for my annual exam, and I'll take along a hard copy of the lumbar MRI report and disc, and hopefully he can find out more information from the imaging center, if possible, regarding the uterine involvement.

Unrelated/related note:

Someone with whom I've been cultivating a friendship with, who was a social worker in the past, has been jokingly accusing me of being a hypochondriac. Couple this up with other shit, like asking leading questions, then when I answer, he drones on about being a narcissist and a hypochondriac. It's happening with more regularity, and isn't something I can ignore. I find it appalling actually.

I've been avoiding him for several days now, and he keeps calling my desk (and hanging up). I really have nothing more to say. But I fear/feel it's going to get confrontational. So it's with this in mind that I decided to (I hope, succinctly) peck out my thoughts, print it  up, and folded it up tightly. I plan on having it in my pocket so if running into him is inescapable, I can pull this out and say something glib like, "Have a good night," or whatever. It's essentially a "FUCK YOU BOMB," because I've been too damned Churchill-ian* in my responses in person, thus far. It simply says: Since you are not reading the cues on my face or my body language, perhaps reading words on a page will articulate this best:

When you call me a hypochondriac, I do not find this funny. I find it damaging and insulting.

When you say I am not depressed, I find it damaging and presumptuous.

When you laugh about this, I find it damaging and mocking.

I need my space.

My normal route is to do what I call a "slow fade to black," where I limit my contact and put the person on the periphery to such an extent they eventually fall off my radar entirely.  Given I have not determined if I want to cut him off entirely, I figure this might be useful to inform him what's going on, and depending on his response (if any), might determine whether I move forward or not. All I know is, it's not funny. And no, I do not reciprocate in kind.

*Re: Churchill-ian-- There is a quote that is attributed to Churchill:

"The height of diplomacy is telling someone to go to hell in such a way where they actually look forward to the trip." 

I suspect I've either been too nice, or perhaps my look of shock is being misconstrued as laughter. This is not laugh-worthy.

I further rebutt: Being more aware of my body on a bio-mechanical and/or bio-chemical level than an average person does not make me a hypochondriac. However, someone who laughs at my pain & depression makes them a sociopath in my book.

Pain Chronicles: The Litany (2)

Head: Migraines suffering from them since the early 1990s. Actually been hospitalized thrice for them.  Treatment: Frova.
Head: Depression & anxiety with bonus rage & insomnia issues.
Head: Low level TMJ. Treatment: Night time bite guard.

Neck: Right paracentral disc herniation C2-3, Posterocentral disc herniation C4-5, posterocentral disc herniation C5-6, sustained when I was rear-ended by an 18 wheeler in 1999. Treatment: Regular chiropractic adjustments.

Shoulders: "Rib head" pops out of place. REGULARLY.  Treatment: Regular chiropractic adjustments.
Shoulders: Disc bulging T1-2 and posterior disc hernations T2-3 and T3-4, sustained when I was rear-ended by an 18 wheeler in 1999. Treatment: Regular chiropractic adjustments.


Left hand: Dominant hand. Carpal tunnel. Mild-to-moderate case. Some days my hand is so spastic I cannot sign my own name without stopping three times because the way I write my name pinches the nerves in the wrist and elbow. Problematic since doing excessive, now-needlessly obsolete stenography drills in secretarial school in the mid-1990s. Treatment: (When having a flare up), Night time use of wrist immobilizer.

Low abdomen: A "mild" case of adenomyosis, which is kind of like garden variety endometriosis... IF IT WERE ON METH, CRACK, AND ACID. Diagnosed officially in February of 2012, and it's getting progressively more painful and uncontainable each successive month. Searing, agonizing pain that is isolated in the region between  my navel and my kneecaps, ranging from a dull throb, to a persistent agonizing pulsation of hot lava like HURT deep in my marrow.  Treatment: Uterine ablation (which did nothing for the pain and voluminous flow).
Low abdomen: "Impactions." OCCASIONAL. Treatment: Remain compliant with use of fiber and probiotic supplements, magnesium, and Colace, and ensure adequate hydration.

Low spine: Grade 1 Spondylolisthesis L4-5.  Treatment: Regular chiropractic adjustments.  Rest, heat, TENS/EMS, and ultrasound, maintaining good workplace ergonomics/hygeine, and consistent wearing of customized orthodics.

Right Hip: Trochanteric bursitis. Treatment: Rest, ice.
Right Hip:  "Hip Pointer." WTF Been problematic since a forced road march with a 40 lb pack in basic training.

Knees (both): Both knees have been compromised in two falls, one in winter 2009, one in spring 2010. Though to be honest, the pain is deep in there where most anatomical charts would indicate the meniscus. BONUS BAKERS CYST.  Treatment: Rest, heat, TENS/EMS, and ultrasound, maintaining good workplace ergonomics/hygeine, and consistent wearing of customized orthodics.

Feet (both): Heel spurs, plantar fasciitis, corns, and the newest addition to the Pain Chronicles Litany: My big toes are not level with the rest of the bones/toes (actually is lower than the rest), thus causing my feet to cantilever like a see-saw in my shoes (thus causing the corns; and is contributing to my overall balance issues).
Treatment: During flare ups, use of plantars fasciitis splint at night. Consistent wearing of customized orthodics.

MRI of Cervical Spine

IMPRESSION:
Spondylitic changes. Right paracentral disc herniation C2-3. Postercentral disc herniation C4-5 with right-sided foraminal stenosis. Postercentral disc herniation C5-6, impinging the anterior margin of the cervical spinal cord. Spondylitic change with right paracentral disc herniation C6-7 Spondylitic changes with bulging noted T1-2 and posterior disc herniations T2-3 and T3-4.

MRI of Lumbar Spine

(Verbatim from MRI report of findings.)

IMPRESSION:
Disc dessication and facet joint hypertrophy from L3 through S1, with left posterlateral disc herniation at the L3-4 level. Disc bulging with peripheral annular tearing L4-5. Asymmetric disc bulging with right foraminal stenosis L5-S1. Left renal cyst. Prominence of the junctional zone of the visualized uterus. Magnetic resonance imaging of the pelvis is suggested for further evaluation. 

TECHNIQUE:
Sagittal flexion and extension imaging was performed.

INTERPRETATION:
Flexion and extension imaging demonstrates a Grade 1 anterior spondylolisthesis at the L4-5 level. This reduces on extension imaging.

IMPRESSION:
Grade 1 spondylolisthesis L4-5, noted on flexion imaging. 
******************************************************

The day after I received this report of findings, which my chiropractor provided me, I then scanned it, and forwarded it onto my endocrinologist, my nephrologist, and my gynecologist.

The nephrologist was the first to respond, as my email inquired about the possibility of an ultrasound prior to my next visit, to which he replied that it was not indicated or necessary at this time.

Uncharacteristically, my endocrinologist replied back that he'd view it the next day, but hasn't gotten back to me, and my gynecologist hasn't acknowledged receiving the email at all.  I will provide a hard copy when I see him in December. No doubt, the back pain is referring to the front of my body, adversely impacting the pain from the adenomyosis; and my adenomyosis is referring pain to my low back.

I have a third MRI scheduled for 9/27. I have an appointment scheduled for 9/30 with my chiropractor (who will provide the report of findings on the thoracic spinal MRI), and the following day, 10/1, I have an appointment with my neurologist, who I will provide hard copies of all three MRIs, and hope to discuss a pain management plan between my neuro and chiropractor, and hopefully not add a third doctor (orthopedist, orthopedic surgeon, or neuro surgeon) to the mix.  I have a "less is more" and "too many chefs ruin the soup" philosophy of having too many physicians involved in my care. I want things nice and organized. But really, I'm tired of being in pain, and beyond that, I'm tired of it impacting my ability to do the things I love doing.

Shit-tastic Week, Event #3: Neuro No No, Pain Status-Quo

Today was supposed to be a day where I was working towards addressing and possibly coming up with solutions for my assortment of pain issues. Sadly, that was not to be. In all actuality, it would have been a better use of my time to have not gotten out of bed at all today.

1. Upon arriving, I was not given the COURTESY to be informed that the doctor was running late. 
2. After waiting a half hour, I got up to ask, and I was informed he was running late. No indication on HOW LATE.
3. At the 1 hour 41 minute mark, as I got up to leave, of course, THEY CALL MY NAME.
4. Against my better judgement, I go into exam room.
5. Get trifled with by the aide taking my stats.
6. YES YES, by all means! NOW IS THE BEST TIME EVER TO TAKE MY BLOOD PRESSURE, ASSHAT! SURPRISE SURPRISE, IT IS JACKED UP! GEE HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
7. I am then asked to fill out new patient forms (despite that I am not a new patient at this office, nor am I a new patient at Mt. Sinai where this doctor is affiliated). It would have been just GRAND if I could have filled these out at a leisurely pace, WHILE WAITING AN HOUR AND 40 MINUTES!!!
8. NP comes in to assess me. Neurologist is no where's to be found.
9. Halfway thru the assessment NP lets me know they only do assessments for surgery in this office. Why in the name of the blue blazes of hell did my (otherwise sterling) internist recommend I see this fuckface?
10. Wrapping up assessment, neuro calls, says he was called away for an emergency.  WHATEVS.
11. As NP is writing up an Rx for me to go for an MRI (which I'll have my chiropractor read, or perhaps ANYONE ELSE ON PLANET EARTH before I give one more moment of my time to this time suck.
12. As I'm about ready to leave, one of the admins have the neuro on the phone and they ask if I want to talk to the neurosurgeon, to which I replied, "Fuck no. I've wasted enough time here."

End note: Total time invested in this shitscapade? 3 Hours. I was mugged. No, not at gun point, and no they didn't steal money or jewelery. What they stole from me was far more valuable, precious time I will never get back. Plus? It left me in such an effing foul mood. I've tweeted extensively about this, and left a Yelp review, but I am sure not one bit of this will be resolved.

Shit-tastic Week: Event #1: Feets They Failed Me Now

I am all about Newtonian physics, especially the law involving things in motion tend to stay in motion. I wonder how heat and moisture factor into Newtonian physics, well, how they factor in beyond BLISTERS.

Monday, I had a job interview. It was technically the second interview, as they had a telephone interview the week before. Wanting to make a good first impression, visually, I wore nice shoes. High heels. Not too high. Otherwise comfy. But I went barefoot. I did manage to wear a toe cup thing to help cushion my little piggies, but in the course of walking, it shifted, and started to chap my toes.

Once I arrived at City Hall station, first opportunity I could, I removed the toe cups, thinking the ten minute walk to the rendez-vous point would be quick. Hopstop said it was 12-14 minutes, and my shoes were good quality (or so I thought), and didn't think much of it. But each step of the way, was with increasing pain. Soon,  my whole body ached, and I knew things were going to shit... FAST.

I went to a drug store and got a box of water proof bandaids and a box of J&J brand "blister' bandaids (which, to be blunt, are TINY, they really should come larger). I put the blister bandages on the blisters, then regular bandages on top of them, and continued on my way.

I had to triage my feet a second time before arriving at the meeting spot, and to add to my pain and anxiety, I received a text from the ladies who were going to be interviewing me. While the interview was arranged for 3:30, the text came through at 3, so I knew that once I arrive, there would be no time for me to freshen up, relax a bit, perhaps crochet, and regroup. Once I got to the corner, I had to do all my last minute hair brushing, lip stick applying, perfume spritzing out in the open, and continue hobbling until I got to the entrance, and somehow or another "get it together" enough to walk to the table without appearing as if I were in the physical agony I was. 

I believe it went well. Who knows for sure? Looks promising, and if it weren't for my poor choice of shoes, I probably would have had a very good ending to my day. I intended on going to the Raging Bull on Wall Street and cup its balls for good luck, and planned on going to a yarn store which has escaped a visit from me thus far, as well as stop someplace for a drink or lunch. 

Instead, my focus was on my increasing agony and worrying and wondering how the hell was I going to get back up to midtown to catch the train home. I caught a cab, and while it probably was taking the longer way back up to midtown by way of the FDR Drive, we were free moving, wind in my hair, me with my shitty cell phone connection, with an ever-dwindling battery, trying to text to the husband saying where I was, an ETA for GCT, as well as BEGGING him to get me a pair of flip flops. IMPERATIVE!

So I get myself to GCT, and I get a hot dog and an ice tea and try to make the best of it. And I find a seat near an electrical outlet, and the husband arrived. And finally, I could take my shoes off without worry. And once on the train my feet were triaged yet again...

Horror of horrors, in the course of removing the bandages, we ripped the skin clear off one of the two big blisters (one on each pinky toe). It was gross and painful, but the husband truly was mission oriented and got my feet properly bandaged up.

Blisters to the top of me, blisters to the bottom of me (try to ignore the callouses, but at the same time behold that I have blisters UNDER my callouses!)...

Yes, there's nearly a string of pearls of blisters all across the ball of my foot under where the toes attach to the foot! BRILLIANT!

We get home, and I promptly pour a vodka tonic for pain, and gradually top it off with sparkling wine, just for good measure. Apparently, I got a wee bit drunker than usual, and went from a happy floaty feeling to outright sobs. I laid down for several hours, woke up, chewed an ibuprofen, had a yogurt, then a frozen klondike bar, and faded in and out of consciousness while watching Conan. At 1, I got myself back to bed, and finally drifted off.

Tuesday at the office was a whole OTHER problem. I was able to walk from my car to the office (roughly 400 paces), and once I got to the office, the bandage on the epic wound fell off, and it was gross looking, glistening wet and plenty of angry looking capillaries looking back at me.

I spent the day alternating between nausea and agony. No first aid kit to speak of here, not even a tube of neosporin to be found. My co-irker provided me with some foaming wound cleanser and I spritzed that liberally, but still worried about wearing flip flops in a carpeted environment with an open wound on my foot. By 4 p.m., I hobbled my way to urgent care, and an hour later, I returned to finish out my shift.

I will say that if I don't get an offer (whether I take it or not, is another matter entirely), I will be (wait for it.....) SORELY disappointed!

End note: My feet are different sizes. Left is an 11, right is a 10.5. No pair of shoes fit me perfectly. Hence the chapping. Problem also was I was barefoot. And I miscalculated exactly how much walking was involved. Like I said, amateur move. I traverse NYC all the time, and am always prepared and wear appropriate footwear. There were just so many elements of Monday which went wrong on a very fundamental level. I just hope they liked me. The interview was roughly an hour, and very casual. Stay tuned! I'm hoping there will be a positive conclusion to this, and hope to have a blog post wherein I am finally cupping the Raging Bull's balls for good luck. My office won't be far from Bowling Green, so it's entirely possible. 

As scary as it is to leave and start someplace else, it's scarier to think of spending another year or five or TEN here and be no better off, and if anything, perhaps even be MORE MISERABLE. And yet? I'm leaving myself open to the POSSIBILITY of growth, happiness, fulfillment. High risks sometimes equates to high rewards. Isn't it time I reaped some rewards?

ETA: Here it is, 10/23/14. Interview was 8/4/14. Not even the courtesy of a text or email to say "Thanks, but no thanks. We went with someone else." Horrible follow up skills for sure, but useful information no doubt. I imagine working with people with such poor communication skills would be downright hellish. 

Meet My Pelvis: A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Behold the sizeable GAP in the hip socket on the left in the image vs the hip socket on the right. Plus? I'm sure the fact that it's not smooth probably has a lot to do with my pain and instability in my hips/low back. 

More on this as it develops. 

End note: Chiro did comment upon possible start of osteopenia, and was interested in my ischial tubes.

Man (or in this case, WOMAN) Makes Plans & God Says HAH!

Having PCOS + Adenomyosis + being well into my 40s = My uterus pretty much scoffing at the notion of a calendar. The month of May saw fit to have TWO onset days (May 6, and roughly May 28). Doing the rough math, and applying "Kentucky Windage" to my menses, according to my calculations, my onset day could very well be the 25th, the day I'm due to be in NYC for my 3.5 yr check up/weigh in with my bariatric guy, as well as possibly galavanting with a friend or two (or neither, as both haven't given me conclusive information I can depend upon that our plans are 100% a "go"). 

Opiate and pesudo opiate, and tryptan at the ready. Thermacare patch. Chewable ibuprofen just in case. And if all else fails, vodka tonic.

Regarding Pain Management

For whatever reason, this neuron is firing:

Getting lip service or (possibly well-intentioned) promises of help is worse than getting no help at all. Doublely so, if I never asked for help in the first place.

Think or want to help? Then help. Otherwise, just STFU.

If folks aren't loving or supportive or even diplomatic with the things they say, I'd just assume they keep their yappers shut.

Hollow promises are like hollow chocolate Easter bunnies: on the outside they look appealing, it's only after sinking your teeth in do you realize it's a whole lotta nothing inside.

New Dx: Trochanteric Bursitis

Need to call insurance on a DME matter. After that will get scanned, and hopefully my chiropractor will make adjustments with a lift under my orthotics to lessen the hobble-wobble aspect of my walk.

Sad State of Affairs

Still keeping up with the physical therapy, with the best possible intentions.

Last night, before I could even get around to doing my "home work," I had to add more air to my exercise ball. And well, fuck! I went into muscle fatigue just manually pumping air into the ball. 

My focus for now will be to continue to work on my low back and lower abdomen, hoping to strengthen myself, in preparation for a hysterectomy at some point in the not-too-distant future.  So, I'm using that to stay on track for goals. To make myself strong enough to join a pilates class without fear of injuring myself, and to physically prepare for surgery.  

There are worse goals to have, I think!

Maintaining

Nothing new to report. Or so I think.

The weight I gained while on the Cymbalta hasn't really seemed to come off, but no NEW weight gain, so I guess there's THAT. I just wish I could jump start the weight loss again. I'm trying to eat 1/2 a grapefruit a day, so hoping it helps burn fat, or boost metabolism or whatever.

I'm now about a month into the experiment known as physical therapy. I've been going once a week every week, though two weeks ago I had to skip a session and next week skip a session due to scheduling constraints. But for as little as I've done thus far, I feel different, physically. Perhaps in a few weeks I can explore a pilates class without harming myself in the process. 

Blood work drawn on Monday; accoutrements acquired for a 24 hour urine collection (good times). Perhaps sometime before my grand vacance I'll get around to doing the actual collection.

So, no new antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication. Been cold turkey off everything with the exception of an occasional cocktail for medicinal purposes.

And about that cocktail... 

Last Friday I hit my tipping point. I brought booze to my office, as I knew Friday would be a particularly horrible pain day (and it was, and it was also followed up by an even worse Saturday, which rendered me bed bound with a migraine). 

I think I'm ready to start thinking about a hysterectomy. According to my rough math, I'm losing 14-28 days a year due to the migraines, menses mess, and overall agonizing pain. Life is too short for this.

Of course, my mother is the poster child of ILL HEALTH, so I won't be using her as my case study for post-op hysterectomy progress. My mother-in-law, in stark contrast, is nothing short of awesome. Good overall health and lifestyle and mindset. So I'm hoping her recovery is a speedy one, and I hope she dispenses plenty of first hand knowledge of what her experience has been.

Bottom line is, pain sucks, life is short, and I don't want to be a burden to my husband or friends.

ETA: Six months later, and I am no closer to actually thinking about or considering a hysterectomy. And glad for it. I started taking B1 supplements, and it's helped quell some of the agonizing pain. Let's wait and see if it continues to diminish the pain over the long haul.

Appointment Made!

At the recommendation of a friend, I've decided to explore going to a doctor that specializes in physical medicine and rehab, to help battle my pain issues, and hopefully get me more active so I can lose some more weight.

Appointment set: 3/13 6:30 p.m.! 

I go for a consultation, and hopefully they can get me started on physical therapy. Granted it will be for a set period of time, but it will be supervised and hopefully I can get active enough where it will make an impact on my mental and physical health.