On Feeling Drained...

Got a call from the ReproEndo guy two days ago about my ferritin levels. Much talk was done about my anemia.

For starters, the RnY puts me in a risk factor for anemia, and the adenomyosis (there I go again, harping about this!) drains my body of iron. So it's a perfect storm, of sorts, setting me up for FerritinFAIL! :(

And mind you, this is with me being DILIGENT about taking ALL my supplements (and then some) as a post-opper. I think I've missed maybe 3 iron doses in the last 16 months. Not too shabby.

I've been on a quest of sorts to find the perfect iron formulation for me. I was taking a Centrum with iron and then switched off to a prenatal (Vitafusion, they're effing delicious) because it's got a lot of folate and biotin, and took a separate iron supplement.

Up until a week ago, I was taking Bariatric Advantage brand "iron supplement." I put that in quotes because it doesn't list what type of iron it is. (Doing the chewy chews, raspberry chocolate truffle--not bad tasting, btw.) So I've switched off to some off-brand carbonyl iron in tablet form. Two tablets put me at over 200% of the RDA for iron. Going to start taking them 2x a day (1 tablet 2x a day; NOT 2 tablets 2x a day, just to clarify).

Anyway, the anemia is just one more thing to deal with. Granted it's a fairly BIG NEGATIVE to deal with on top of everything else I'm dealing with, both as a post opper, as well as all the other stuff related to my PCOS and other health issues.

The anemia, I am certain is to blame for my fatigue, my stamina problems, some of my aches and pains or stiffness, and no doubt my dizziness, which I've been complaining about for months, and yet, no one seems all too concerned about it.

My depth perception has been a bit "off" since roughly January, but I don't know if that's related to the anemia or the fact I am now officially an old fart and had to break down and get bi-focals (actually "progressives").

So, on top of all this, and on top of the personal shitstorm I weathered in March at the hands of Crazy McLoonypants, my natural tendency at this point is to just withdraw, which then makes me miserable on another level (cabin fever).

All life is suffering. This would fit the bill. And in the grand scheme of things, I'll take this suffering over alternative sufferings. I'm fairly miserable at the moment.

Nearly every day I cry. Yesterday it was in my car, during downtime waiting to pick up the husband at the train. I felt so miserable, and the only person who could console me, my dad, isn't here anymore to do that. Today it was in my kitchen, dizzy spell full in force. Husband came in the room for me to fling my arms around and just sob. He doesn't hug or console. But he's there. He doesn't have a clue what to do to make things better, and I know from a guy's perspective, that is the supreme head fuck, because guys don't want to listen to complaining or crying, they're FIXERS. They want to fix what's broke. And we're both at a loss at this point regarding HOW to fix this thing.

I feel like utter crap. So much so, when I woke up this morning, I was truly surprised. Yes. Surprised. Because when I went to bed last night, I felt so horrid, I was 50% certain I'd die in my sleep, and 50% HOPING I'd die in my sleep.

No one likes a whiner. But there ya go. At a minimum, it's real life. It's authentic. And yet sadly, I cannot find something ironic or wry to laugh about today.

Well, besides that guy Randy w/those Honeybadger videos. That's pretty much what got me thru today. Reading his book, and watching his videos.