Shoppin' Around

I think the time has come for me to find a new therapist, or at a minimum, officially break with this therapist and find a professional organizer to help with, well, ORGANIZING. Goodness, I was going thru a few stacks of books and noticed I've got TWO copies of "The Stranger" by Albert Camus. As if not being able to wrap my brain around his philosophy or point of view wasn't bad enough, I've now got TWO copies of that very books by which to confound me.

Two copies of "The Stranger," countless hair brushes, clips, packets of wet wipes, chewing gums, you name it... who needs MULTITUDES of things? Well apparently I MUST. Nothing more frustrating, IMHO, than to KNOW you have one or SIX of something, and can't seem to put your finger on ONE of those items, and my response usually is, "Oh, fuck this. I'll buy another." Then suddenly I find every single one of those items, and then start to feel like a hoarder.

Which, I suppose, I might be on some level about some things.

Granted, I don't watch t.v. shows such as Hoarders or The Biggest Loser or anything for that matter on Bravo or TLC, because I really thing THAT particular type of t.v. programming trivializes and exploits the plights and life narratives of those folks. But I would be dishonest if I didn't own up to the fact that on the rare occasions when I'm channel surfing (normally watch a lot of ON DEMAND or Netflix to avoid this kind of situation), if I happen upon Hoarders, I'll watch a segment or two, just for perspective. It might come off as judgement, but honestly, I know I've got that tendency myself, as I'm far too sentimental of a person, and have issues with attachments. But I figure I can put off contacting a professional for another day as long as I can keep closing my closet doors, my fridge door closes with ease, and I haven't found any dead animals amongst my belongings.

Taking a look thru my blog, I realize the last session I had with my therapist was 3/14, well over a month ago. Perhaps I'm expecting too much out of my therapist. But I do think it speaks volumes about how little he's invested in me as a client/patient, if a month can go by and THAT hasn't warranted a phone call or email inquiring if everything is okay and if/when can we are going to schedule an other session.

Mind you, I've been seeing him since roughly 2009. I started seeing him one year after dad passed, and right before I set things in motion for my gastric bypass. We talked about all manner of things, life, health, my work, my grief, etc. But really I don't know how much benefit I got out of it. Half the time, I couldn't tell if I was boring him, or if it was late in the afternoon and he'd be on the brink of nodding off, or if he was lost in thought, or what. And I did not get (nor did I demand) all that much in the way of feedback. So it just seemed like a whole lot of talking just purely for the sake of talking, without an end point or a goal, and certainly no behavioral modifications (not that it was his focus or specialty mind you, which it was not).

But still... here I am, three years later, and not really a whole lot to show for things, other than, well, I got myself thru my surgery.

But I'm still affected deeply by my grief over the passing and loss of my dad, still affected by being in a dead end job with no chance of any advancement or change of scenery therein, and still dealing with my clutter issues.

Husband suspects therapist has been billing for sessions every week, when I don't see him every week. So I'll be keeping an eye open for the EOBs for a while to see if he puts in for anything beyond March 14th.

The whole thing is a bit fishy.