Not to be Remiss: Ablation

So it is now three weeks to the day since I had uterine ablation and my tubal ligation. Still too soon to tell if the ablation is going to help me at all. I was under the impression that it would help my symptoms. I was also under the assumption that afer a few days to the first weeks, I'd experience a "watery" discharge. Well, there's nothing watery about it. What drove me to have the procedure was the unrelenting agonizing menses pain and excessive flow. Well, I went from losing a few days to one full week of my life to menses, to what appears to be three weeks of flow. Granted, it's on the light side, but I'm still wary of wearing light colored clothing. So here I am. August. And I'm wearing black. So really, from my point of view, no change in my status quo. Also? Yeah. Good times. I'm no doubt ovulating this week, which means, no rest for the wicked. That if by some weird fucked up stroke of luck my flow finally subsides, next week it'll start back up again as my regularly scheduled menses. So all this is to say, that I'm regretting it all. At least before my procedure I could delude myself into thinking I didn't have kids because of fertility issues and now I"m too told to do anything about it and had the tubal to prevent what could be a life threatening pregnancy (if I were to become pregnant). The rub, bub? Yeah. Since I have't had one single day without blood, yeah, I haven't felt like having sexy times. And at this rate, wondering if I ever will. Between this and the unabated elevated cortisol issues making me cranky and wound up tighter than a fucking top, yeah. I'll be so fucking glad when this horrible summer is over. But that won't happen until after I turn 45. One more good time to be had. A reminder of me losing one more year to fucked up genetics, fucked up fertility, and living a life that has been so fucking convoluted and NOT what I ever dreamed my life would be. Signing off for now. Color me: Blue. Blue as in blue haired old biddy, Get the fuck off my lawn you hooligan. I don't feel like myself and wondering if/when I ever will again. Whatever that means.