...Is the lack of support.
There's a hierarchy of sympathy and it goes thusly:
If your parent dies, most folks can either empathize or relate to that loss, and sympathize accordingly.
Same thing goes for your spouse, or sibling.
Even more so if you have a kid.
And when your baby dies, some folks are a bit weird, but still forthcoming with sympathy.
Less so if you miscarry. Enter the realm of awkwardness.
And well, for the rest of us who have to suffer the loss of the possibility, the loss of our fertility... well fuck us. We have to suffer in silence.
At work I've taken the tack of no longer giving out my smiles for free. Hey after all, it doesn't get me anywhere, and really the folks I'd be dispensing smiles to haven't done jack shit for me in 11 years of working there*. I even went so far as to say to someone recently when they remarked the lack of smiles, "Hey, why should I smile? What have YOU done for ME lately?"
And really, I've reached that point where I'm separating the chaff from the wheat and really realizing who my friends are. And no, my friends aren't the ones with whom I've spent countless hours helping thru whatever their drama du jour is. My friends are the ones who SEE AND KNOW what's going on with me and they reach out to me, privately to let me know I'm loved and they wish they could help. Even outright strangers on the net, folks I've befriended and never met or only met once... those are the ones who have reached out. (And of course friends I've had for 30+ years).
I cannot help but look at my friends list on FB and see 250+ people and it's appalling, the paucity of support. Been thinking about deactivating my account, maybe temporarily, maybe permanently, in response to it. But FB does serve a purpose while I'm at work and it passes the time. But it is also a reminder of who responds to what type of posts I post. WTF and crazy shit? Yeah. Folks come out of the woodwork. I'm destashing shit or posting a picture? Yeah, same folks come out of the woodwork with their hand out for my stuff or a recipe. But to be PRESENT? And compassionate? Fuck that.
I'm flailing. I know. And I'm angry and depressed and disappointed in a good lot of things this summer.
I just wish I'd die, to be honest.
*ETA 2/12/19 Nearing 17 years of being here and not a god damned thing has changed in this office, and in some respects, things have degraded FURTHER.
There's a hierarchy of sympathy and it goes thusly:
If your parent dies, most folks can either empathize or relate to that loss, and sympathize accordingly.
Same thing goes for your spouse, or sibling.
Even more so if you have a kid.
And when your baby dies, some folks are a bit weird, but still forthcoming with sympathy.
Less so if you miscarry. Enter the realm of awkwardness.
And well, for the rest of us who have to suffer the loss of the possibility, the loss of our fertility... well fuck us. We have to suffer in silence.
At work I've taken the tack of no longer giving out my smiles for free. Hey after all, it doesn't get me anywhere, and really the folks I'd be dispensing smiles to haven't done jack shit for me in 11 years of working there*. I even went so far as to say to someone recently when they remarked the lack of smiles, "Hey, why should I smile? What have YOU done for ME lately?"
And really, I've reached that point where I'm separating the chaff from the wheat and really realizing who my friends are. And no, my friends aren't the ones with whom I've spent countless hours helping thru whatever their drama du jour is. My friends are the ones who SEE AND KNOW what's going on with me and they reach out to me, privately to let me know I'm loved and they wish they could help. Even outright strangers on the net, folks I've befriended and never met or only met once... those are the ones who have reached out. (And of course friends I've had for 30+ years).
I cannot help but look at my friends list on FB and see 250+ people and it's appalling, the paucity of support. Been thinking about deactivating my account, maybe temporarily, maybe permanently, in response to it. But FB does serve a purpose while I'm at work and it passes the time. But it is also a reminder of who responds to what type of posts I post. WTF and crazy shit? Yeah. Folks come out of the woodwork. I'm destashing shit or posting a picture? Yeah, same folks come out of the woodwork with their hand out for my stuff or a recipe. But to be PRESENT? And compassionate? Fuck that.
I'm flailing. I know. And I'm angry and depressed and disappointed in a good lot of things this summer.
I just wish I'd die, to be honest.
*ETA 2/12/19 Nearing 17 years of being here and not a god damned thing has changed in this office, and in some respects, things have degraded FURTHER.
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